Thursday, September 6, 2012

Divorce in the 21st Century

From personal experience (divorced more than once), I can tell you that the woman is most often labeled as the villain in this scenario, no matter what the circumstances of the break-up happen to be.  If the husband is having an affair, it's usually justified by popular speculation that the wife is neglecting him.

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People are really thrown for a loop when there is a divorce without the customary affair, cheating, histrionics, and usual drama.  It almost makes them angry, maybe because they aren't able to neatly categorize the situation in their mind.

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Couples are friends with other couples.  Once a 'Couple' is separated and becomes singular, they no longer fit the criteria of what's acceptable for friendship within the world of Pairs.  Apparently it causes some sort of disruption in the social aspect of things.  I'm not sure.  But if a friendship is maintained between a 'Couple' and a 'Non-Couple', it usually only entails one party, and this is usually the man...this has been my experience over the course of four divorces.  I'm not sure why this is so, still working on this one.  Maybe trying to emotionally compartmentalize how both non-couple people could fit into the scenario is just too difficult or confusing.  As I said, I haven't figured this one out yet.

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An odd observation:  Single women seem to be viewed as more of a threat than single men.

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Women who are in the midst of a divorce are often viewed as evil-- remember, I have plenty of experience here.  I've wondered why this is and have come to the conclusion that it's probably because women who decide to take charge of their own lives (i.e. Strong Women) are stereotypically viewed as some sort of a threat in our society.  (Egads, the Little Woman is making her own money, taking care of her own space, and making her own independent decisions...what will she be doing next?!)

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In the face of a divorce, men will gather their bank accounts and material wealth tightly about them like an old mother hen carefully tucking her chicks safely beneath her ample feathered butt.  As quaint as this may sound, it's not very sanitary, and there are a surprising number of women who won't go there...me among them.

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Once in a while, in the midst of a divorce, friends and family may be called upon for an 'Intervention'.  This is usually instigated by one member of the Former Couple, the one who doesn't want the divorce.  It's amazing how many people can be sucked into this sort of thing without having all the facts, without being aware of the private dynamics of the relationship, and without taking into account the various reasons the divorce has been instigated in the first place.  They come racing in like movie heroes on galloping white horses, coming to what they think of as The Rescue, totally oblivious to the fact that the curtain has descended, the movie is over.  The End.

Quite frankly, marriage is a private personal contract between two people and the breaking of this contract is also a private personal decision.


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