Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Do's and Don'ts ~ What You Shouldn't Be Doing with Anyone But Your Partner

The source:  click  HERE

Today's article was written from first hand male experience, which gives it a more potent and eye-opening quality.  Follow the link for more relationship articles by this author, Dr. Joe Martin.

The quickest way to erode the trust in your relationship is to keep secrets from your partner. Personally, I never intended to cheat on my ex-wife. But secret conversations eventually evolved into frequent conversations; and frequent conversations led to detailed conversations about my life, my wife, and our issues. It all led to the destruction of our trust and the eventual destruction of our marriage.

When you communicate with other women, are you potentially being foolish, or are you being a good husband? Allow me to share some advice I’ve had to learn the hard way about communicating with women other than my wife. Here are three Don’ts and three Do’s for communicating with women other than your partner.

First, three (3) DON’Ts:

1. Don’t ever complain to another woman about your partner, or let another woman complain to you about her partner.

Why? Because when you complain about your mate, you’re dishonoring her; and also, because your mate didn’t give you permission. If you want your partner to respect you, you have to respect and protect her dignity. Never disrespect the woman in your life by talking negatively about her to another woman. And don’t let another woman dishonor her partner by complaining to you.

2. Stay away from topics about sex, secrets, and struggles.

Why? Because it’s none of her business, and when you talk about these intimate topics with another woman, you’re discrediting the woman in your life. Never break the trust and intimacy between you and your partner; don’t be cavalier in your conversation with other women.

3. Never meet with women in private settings (especially online).

“Temptation operates best in secrecy.”  

The question is, if this meeting doesn't pertain to business or work, or is carried off in secrecy, without your partner's knowledge, even if the meeting was innocent (which is doubtful), it's going to make you look very guilty.  There goes our good friend... Trust.

Now here are three (3) DO’s:

1. Always mention and talk about your partner favorably.

Why? One, it honors her (there’s that word again), and it also sets up healthy boundaries and fires off what I call safety flares that let other women know you are taken.

2. If at all possible, invite your partner into the conversation.

Especially if the woman you’re talking to is going through a crisis. Ask the woman if it would it be okay for your partner to join the conversation, or ask the woman to talk to your wife instead of you. That may not always be possible, but at least ask. Look at your partner as being added reinforcement.

3. Tell your partner about your conversations with other women.

I don’t care how small or trivial you think the conversation was. Why? Because this holds you accountable to your partner.

If conversing, chatting, counseling, or comforting other women makes the woman in your life feel uncomfortable, then it should make you uncomfortable. Don’t call her crazy.  Instead, ask yourself, "Why are you more concerned about how the other woman feels than how your partner feels?"

Sunday, December 1, 2019

Book #7 ~ In Progress

I recently received a book proposal and have accepted it. I'll begin work on Book #7 this Monday. This will be my main focus for the next few weeks and months to meet deadlines. If I'm scarce, it means I'm busy.

The Wheel of Fortune

The following is an excerpt from my book, The Ultimate Tarot Guide for Your Personal Tarot Journey.  You can purchase your copy at Amazon.

Wheel of Fortune 

Keywords: completion; a game plan; success; Lady Luck; the gambler; taking chances; all your eggs in one basket; winning the lottery

Archetypes: The Gambler (Kenny Rodgers); Robin Hood; race car drivers; politicians; business women





Astrological Sun Sign/Aquarius

In a Nutshell: Luck

Upright Interpretation:

There is the immense relief of getting something accomplished, of meeting a deadline, of coming to the end of a monumental task, the satisfaction of having completed a job-well-done. This is a happy cat-chasing-it’s-tale card, but with a game plan, a touche to the world. If no one else understands where you’re coming from, or how you’re going to do what it is you’re planning to do, know that you-- and the universe-- will have it all straight.

Reversed Interpretation: The cat’s still chasing it’s tale, but this time it’s going in mindless circles with no game plan and not a clue as how to stop the merry-go-round to get off. You’re a long way from done, says the reversed Wheel of Fortune. Everything is left open, up in the air, with nary a solution or set date of completion in sight. Get a grip. Don’t let life, or unforeseen circumstances, rule the outcome of your day, your week, your month, or your life.

Study Questions:

1. What is your first impression of this card?

2. What does this card mean to You?

3. Are there details on this card that especially stand out for you? If so, write them down and explain.

4. How does this card define relationships?

5. How does this card define financial circumstances?

6. How is this card relevant to health issues?

Affirmations for Meditation:

1. I won’t be afraid to take a chance.

2. I won’t be afraid to take a chance while using Common Sense.

3. I won’t let an opportunity pass me by.

4. I will learn and live, love and grow, by grasping at Life’s impossibilities.

5. I can do it; I can do it; I can do it!

Images & Symbolism:

Hebrew Letter/Kaph

Symbol for Letter & Sun-Sign/grasping hand

Crystal or Stone/amethyst


Musical Note/A#

A Tarot Reading for The Wheel of Fortune:

Wheel of Fortune ~ The World ®; 10/pentacles; Queen/cups ®
Everything is spinning, including the Earth and human lives, spinning towards their destiny, spinning out of control, spinning onto other levels, spinning closer towards endings and beginnings. Your movement, Wheel of Fortune, is dizzy and off-center, a little tipsy maybe, as if you’ve had a glass or two of wine, or something even stronger. There comes with this movement a sense of closure or completion, a sense of fulfillment, a sense of relief. Are you playing with us, or with yourself, dear Wheel of Fortune, as from the center of your card, you boldly and firmly state, “What goes around, comes around.”

Lady Luck, they call you, and with this power you wield, you either drop golden coins on surprised recipients, or you empty the pockets of those daring enough to face off with you one too many times. It gives the world pause for thought. Is life just really one big chance? Are we here to fulfill a destiny, or are we nothing more than numbers spinning on some luminous game of chance in the center of this big black universe? And what is destiny, after all, and what constitutes riches and golden precious coins. All of these things may be something different for each individual, and it’s this glaring fact that you chase us with.

Wheel of Fortune, you inspire us to follow our dreams, to listen to our intuition, to open our arms to visions. You remind us of the connection we have with Spirit and the laws of physics, and the hard reality of life. You remind us that chances often come from the most unexpected direction and source, and you fill us with a sense of hope. If life is a game, you tell us, we all have an equal chance to win. 

Saturday, November 30, 2019

Tarot for Grownups

Tarot for Grownups

This 126 page tarot how-to was probably one of the most entertaining books on the great 78 I have read in awhile. The author and her unique storytelling style held me captivated right from jump. She told it like it was and thought out of the box when it came to the meaning of the cards. It was like sitting down with someone over coffee as they explained the inner workings of the tarot. She absolutely delightfully is not by the book and it just felt so real and refreshing. I would recommend this special helper to anyone looking for an out of the box approach to divination. Thanks Amythyst, you do so rock, I will never look at the tarot quite the same way again.

Love & Light, Riki Frahmann

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

My YouTube Channel ~ #iloveyoutube

Follow THIS LINK to my YouTube Channel

My Channel Trailer,
to welcome new visitors and let them see what kinds of videos I create.

A Book Trailer,
to show-case the books I've written so far, and to encourage people to Buy Them! :)

My Books @ Amazon

Favorite Videos

Farewell, Old Friend

LA Weekend

Let the Magick Find You
(Because this one was so much fun to MAKE and EDIT!)

My favorite Oracle Deck

Let's Chat (video)

The Tarot Parlour

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Menopause ~ The Magick of it All


There is a combination of emotions centered around this event in a woman's life; and this is an ongoing transition, remember. If a natural menopause is experienced, you will not wake up some morning to abruptly find yourself transitioned from Mother to Crone. It doesn't work that way. This too, this last phase of woman's life, is still a learning process, a gradual awakening. And yes, it's an awakening, it's not an end. Menopause is simply another beginning, a new beginning. You will be allowed now to view the world, your life and the divine, from a whole new perspective. You will come full-circle; you will taste the victory of having lived and learned, of having lived and survived, of having lived to reach the stage you are now, the most illuminating and beautiful stage of a woman's life. This is your time. Finally, after years of being someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother, someone's grandmother, it's time to re-center. It's time to refocus, it's time to renew a relationship with yourself.

Personal Menopause Rituals: 

Things you want to leave behind.

List all of these things on a single piece of paper, whether they are actual physical things or people, or whether they are circumstances, emotions, and such that have been bothering you. You can list them all on one great big piece of paper because they are one great big lump of crap that needs to be disposed of. And this is exactly what you're going to do; you're going to dispose of this list and these negative things, people, and circumstances by putting this paper in a box, a small cardboard box, the kind that you will find in a hobby/craft shop, those little ones that are just waiting to be decorated.

How do you want to get rid of it?

If you bury it in the earth-- off your property and a distance away!-- these things will most certainly stop bothering you, but they may not go completely away. They will still be there, but the feeling of them will be sort of blunt, a far-off "Oh, ya, I remember __________, funny how I haven't thought of that in a while." This might be okay if what you want to rid yourself of is something that you might want to change, but not necessarily banish completely from your life.

For things that you really truly want to go completely away, never to come back, take this little box and find a nice rushing stream, or a river, a body of water with a flow to it, not a stagnant pool or lake. Stop on a bridge, or take a nice walk along the bank, and when you're ready, throw this box in the moving water. Sling it out there, give it some oomph. After all, this is stuff you want as far away from you as possible. Be sure to show the universe just how strongly you feel about it. (If you happen to stomp your feet, or throw a few cuss words out there, or spit-- that's okay, you're making your point.)

Things you still want to accomplish:

This sounds like a "Bucket List", but it's more than that. This isn't just Things-You-Wish-You-Could-Do-Before-You-Die. These are actual things that you were put here to do. They are things you were meant to do. They are things that just got postponed while you were busy having babies, raising a family, earning a wage, and taking care of all the things Life threw your way and made your responsibility.

Now it's your turn.

What do you still want to accomplish? What do you have left to do?

Make a list. Sit on a quiet day, over a cup of coffee, looking out a rainy window, and think of all of the wonderful, incredible, simple, complicated, difficult, and easy things that you still want to do. Write this list on a plain piece of paper, or on a paper laced with flowers, or on a paper with stars in the background, or on a paper with no lines or boundaries at all.

Get a small box for this piece of paper too. The ones I spoke of, those small boxes that are just waiting to be decorated. You're going to keep this one, and you might even decorate it-- decorate it with wishes and fantasies, dreams and realities. You're going to keep it close by, handy enough so that you can open it every now and then and look at this list, and check things off as you get them done, and add new things to the bottom of the list to do, because you are not stagnant but incredibly creative and adventurous.

This is your I-Am-An-Amazing-Woman-Box. 

This is an excerpt from one of my books,
The Spiritual Feminist, by Amythyst Raine

Purchase your copy @ Amazon

This book includes a look at 45 goddesses from around the world, their energy, their power, their culture of origin; as well as their points of expertise in the daily lives of the devoted who worship them. You'll also find sections in this book on the stages of a woman's life; holidays and their connection to our own traditions; as well as a look at the Motherpeace Tarot Deck, and much much more... all geared to women and our incredible journey through life.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

The Goddess Sophia ~ (book excerpt)

The following is an excerpt from one of my books,
The Spiritual Feminist, by Amythyst Raine

Purchase your copy @ Amazon

This book includes a look at 45 goddesses from around the world, their energy, their power, their culture of origin; as well as their points of expertise in the daily lives of the devoted who worship them.  You'll also find sections in this book on the stages of a woman's life; holidays and their connection to our own traditions; as well as a look at the Motherpeace Tarot Deck, and much much more... all geared to women and our incredible journey through life.


Her Story:
Sophia is one of the most powerful of goddesses, a goddess of the middle-east, entrenched in the legacy of the Gnostics, of Judeo/Christian culture. She is the ultimate Divine Feminine, the personification of divinity, the ultimate sacred feminine energy and entity of the universe. This goddess takes the patriarchal personification of "god" and stands it on its ear. Sophia is the voice of wisdom from the divine. She is the creatrix of all the universe. It’s believed that every human in existence carries a sparkle of her energy within them. 


"Conversation with The Divine" 

Universe, I know you're listening. You can be really, really quiet sometimes, trying to trick me into life and stark reality; but I know you're there, and I know you're listening. And I know you can hear me.

Life is running its course...figuratively and literally.

How? How do I know this?

I know this by the living "Flow" of life, in a figurative way, a physical way, an undeniably human/mother nature way:

I know this by moving rushing water in streams, and rivers, and bubbling brooks. I know this by the blood rushing through my veins in a mortal journey between my heart and the rest of my body. I know this by the miraculous flow of blood from a mother's heart to her unborn child. I know this by the flow of sap from the roots to the limbs of a tree, all the way to the very top. I know this through the flow of moisture from a tree's roots up through the trunk to each and every single leaf. I know this through the white and nourishing flow of milk from every human mother's breast, and from the breast of every mother creature.

Life is flowing...it never stops. When it ceases in one spot, it resumes somewhere else; forever, and ever, in an endless immortal blaze of Nature. 


Embracing the Goddess: 

When you need personal power, when you need divine guidance, when you need protection or healing, when you need relief from mental anguish, when you need to connect with the divine on a personal universal huge in-your-face way…invoke Sophia. 

Sophia’s Correspondences: 

Herbs: bittersweet, pine, sage, star anise, 

anise, slippery elm 

Animal: dove 

Color: yellow 

Planet: Mercury 

Day: Wednesday 

Element: Air 

Feminine Face: Mother 

Today's Daily Tarot Cards ~ from The Tarot Parlour

Daily Tarot Cards are up @ The Tarot Parlour’s FB page ~ If you need something to read with your morning coffee, here you go. (There’s lots of swords showing up today, just saying).

The Tarot Parlour's Website

click  HERE

Thursday, November 21, 2019

Planning a Wedding When You're Over 50

Planning a wedding doesn’t necessarily change because you’re older, of course.

If you’re having a pretty traditional event, you’ll still need all the basics, from officiant and music to rings and food. But how you think about it, and what matters to you, might be a little different now. I’ll be 51 when I walk down the aisle for the first time this September, so goodness knows I’ve had plenty of time to consider our Big Day.

But the truth is that quite a few things I would have obsessed over in my twenties or thirties don’t seem very important (or even appropriate) now. There will be no bouquet-tossing, no wearing of white, no wedding theme or colors, no string of bridesmaids (though I would never begrudge any bride at any age these things.) “One of the great things about getting married or remarried after 50 is you and your fiance are at a stage in life where you know what you want,” says Stacey Colino, a writer in Chevy Chase, Maryland, who married for the second time last November at 52. “And because you’re likely financing the wedding, you can do it your way, in a style that appeals to you, without having to worry about pleasing your parents or other people. John and I planned our wedding together every step of the way.”

Rather than scrutinize every detail, at this stage of life I'm simply trying to ensure that the day goes smoothly and that my fiance Fred, and I, along with our guests, get to really enjoy ourselves. For us, nothing matters more. So with that in mind, here’s some advice from a first-timer on how to plan a wedding later in life, plus a few words of wisdom from Stacey:

Hire a wedding planner if you can afford it

We decided against doing so, but now I’m beginning to regret that choice. If we had skimped on some other things to pay for a planner she'd likely be saving me the endless back-and-forth with vendors that I’m dealing with right now. I found out the hard way, too, that if you're planning your nuptials in under six months (this is considered "last minute" in Wedding World), you may be hard-pressed to get the florist/DJ/officiant/string quartet of your choice, especially if you’re getting married in high season, which starts in the autumn in many places.

Be honest (with each other) about who you really want at the wedding. 

Culling the guest list down to my essential family and friends hasn't been so difficult for me, but Fred has worried over leaving some people out, especially work colleagues we almost never socialize with and whom I hardly know. I could invite many more people (and might have done so in my younger years), but not only can we not afford a huge wedding, the idea of talking all night to a bunch of people I don't care that much about just isn't what I want out of my wedding day. What I’m looking forward to the most is the probably not-to-be-repeated chance to have all the people we love most in one room. Stacey concurs: “You may need to be extra-selective about whom to invite if you want to stick to a budget and keep your guest list manageable; after all, by now, you both know a lot of people so it’s easy to over-invite.”

Decide what matters most to each of you and spend there. 

Since I was 16, and we had to plan our ideal wedding in my high school Human Relations class, I’ve known that four things would matter a lot to me: my dress, the cake, flowers, and the photographer. So, I’ve spent more time finding these, and I feel good about the choices I've made for each. I know I should probably care a little more about the dinner, appetizers, and drinks; but those are being handled by our venue, which will also host and manage the ceremony. While these parts of the wedding may not be 100% to my taste, I know the venue will do a very good job, and most important, I don't need to worry about them. For Fred, a classical music lover, the choice of music for the ceremony and reception are paramount, so he's vetting these folks to choose who we go with. Together, we're tackling the rest... rings, vows, invitations, officiant, ceremony readings, and beyond. (For us, the "divide and conquer" approach seems to be working pretty well, though an up-to-date spreadsheet helps a lot.)

Do it your way. 

If you’re anything like me, when you get engaged everyone will tell you to plan your wedding the way you want... choose the location, the date and everything else that works best for you and your fiance. You will do so, and they will complain. Stick to your guns. Trying to please everyone is a sure route to insanity. It is your day, and the people who need to be there almost certainly will find a way to be there. (Remember how many weddings you’ve had to move heaven and earth to attend over the years.) It will all work out, at least that’s what I tell myself. Stacey says she and John knew they would make their wedding their very own: “For the ceremony, we walked each other down the aisle (we’re too old to be given away!) and wrote our own vows. One of my best friends was our celebrant,” she recalls. “John’s … younger daughter read a beautiful passage about the power of having a welcoming, loving home, like the one we’ve created, to come back to after adventures. It was from The Lord of the Rings and incredibly touching!”

Stacey says that in the end, her best advice for anyone planning a wedding when you’re a little (or a lot) older “is to think about the style and vibe you want to create, figure out how much you want to spend, then design your wedding your way,” she stresses. “Think of it as a celebratory party as much as an official union. You’ve earned it at this stage of your life!”

It should be said, too, that for us, marrying later in life means Fred and I can afford to pay for a few more special touches than we otherwise could have had we married in our 20s. Which is very nice. Since we’ve waited a long time for this day, we know that the only real difference between marrying young and marrying not-so-young may be this:

We understand just how remarkable it is to find the right person and we feel profoundly grateful that, finally, we did.

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Text Message Cheating ~ It's Like Having an Extra Pussy in Your Pocket

After you read this article, you might wish for the good old days of a rotary landline phone that hung on the kitchen wall with four feet of cord attached to it.  It would be a little hard to use this device for cozy clandestine conversations with the opposite sex. 

It used to be if you wanted to have an affair, it took some effort. You had to arrange for secret calls and rendezvous and sneak around -- not anymore. Today’s technology has provided easier and easier ways for partners to cheat on one another. And sadly, text message cheating has become a simple way to cheat without much work at all.
Sometimes the cheating is intentional, and other times it may start off as innocent and occasional communication . Regardless, text message cheating is a really easy way to start cheating and often times not even realize it. Someone gets your cell number (an old friend, a coworker, an ex, someone from the gym, a person you met at a party) and they start sending you friendly texts. Before you know it, it's very easy to be having full-on conversations by text, and the kind of conversations you would not want your spouse or partner to be privy to.  And most problematic of all, is that you can do so anytime, anywhere.

Why Text Message Cheating Can Be Hard To Recognize

It's not uncommon at all for cheating partners to be cheating by texting messages right in front of their unknowing partner. I've had partners tell me that it happened when they were lying next to each other in bed, riding in the car together, and standing in the kitchen talking to each other. The phone beeps or buzzes and the partner responds to a text that is explained away as just a friend or coworker, but is really the other woman or other man.
Here’s an interesting example of text cheating:
"We have had problems since December, when I found out she was in a texting affair. We worked through that, but in February she developed a very close friendship with another woman. I started suspecting something was not right with this friendship, so I confronted her and she became mad and defensive. Well, it seemed ok until she started texting her like 100 times a day; then she started running into her wherever she went. I think they were doing it on purpose, so I asked her and she became very angry again, saying I was over analyzing it." -Rick B.
Here’s another case showing men and women are equally vulnerable.
"I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, and we are both thinking about getting married. I love him.  I love spending time with him, and I really want to be married, but I'm also very worried that I can't trust him not to cheat. From the very beginning, it has been difficult for him to stop being always on the lookout for someone to flirt with, or date, even though we are together. He had an extremely inappropriate texting relationship with a girl he briefly dated in college, which went on for the first year and a half of our relationship." -Tonya W.
All cheating causes pain, but because text message cheating can literally happen while you and your partner are together, it can be especially hurtful. It doesn’t take physical contact with someone else to cause deep wounds and break the trust that’s so crucial to a healthy relationship

Symptoms Of Text Message Cheating

As you can see, texting can cross the line and become a problem with any relationship. So what are some signs of text message cheating?
For one, treating your cell phone like it's something you cannot be separated from. If you always have to have your phone with you, even at home, and never let it out of your sight, that's a warning sign.
Another major sign of textbook cheating is having your cell phone password locked and not allowing anyone to use it, or look at what's on it.
Apps are installed that can be used to text or instant message in secrecy. I won't give their names to prevent the information from being misused, but texting apps exist, so do cheating apps, and some of the everyday apps many of us already use give the option to hide communication. So you should know what apps are on your partner's phone and what they're used for.
Unfortunately, today's technology offers many ways to have a texting affair and keep it secret. Phone records will show you texts were sent, but you cannot see their content. Flipping through the contacts list won't usually be revealing either as the names and numbers are often hidden under a false contact name.
Dealing with a cheating partner is tricky, no matter how it’s happening. The pain and feeling of betrayal can stir-up many strong emotions, especially anger. These feelings can cause people to act in ways that simply make things worse and lead to even more hurt, particularly if you’re mistaken about your suspicions. There are things you can do, however, to help determine whether there may be something to worry about. 
One thing you can do to uncover text message cheating is asking to look at your partner's phone and watch their reaction. Their behavior will typically reveal more than anything you could ever find on their phone.

I was counseling a troubled couple recently, and he had been suspected of cheating. When she asked to see his phone, he wouldn't give it to her, but after a long fight he held it up 3 feet away from her face and flipped through the screens. Then he locked it and walked away. Do you think she had anything to be suspicious of?
There are many excuses that can be given as to why the contents of a phone cannot be shared, but keep in mind that very few of us really have justifiable reasons why our partner cannot look through our phone. And if your partner says they do, be very skeptical.
And, unfortunately, texting isn’t the only way technology can be used to facilitate an affair. Facebook and Instagram also provide covert ways for partners to cheat. Once again, smart phones can provide convenient and stealthy means for spouses and partners to have inappropriate communication, or emotional affairs.
In some ways, cheating through texting is really obvious if you know what to look for, as with the guy in our example above. But in other ways, it's not. Nevertheless, healthy relationships are built on transparency and trust. When you don't have transparency or trust, your relationship is very susceptible to the development of text message cheating.


Discovering Your Passion

If you would like me to do a personal reading using this tarot spread, use the Paypal Widget ($49.00) at the top of this page ~


The number of positions shown for the spread below does not imply the number of cards drawn for any reading. I'll lay as many cards as it takes to get an answer

Your Daily Tarot Cards ~ Courtesy of The Tarot Parlour

Today's Daily Tarot Cards are up at The Tarot Parlour, so if you need something to read with your morning coffee, here ya' go...

Click  HERE

Monday, November 18, 2019

Defamatory Social Media Posts ~ You Can Be Sued for Personally Bashing Someone Online

When individuals feel that their reputation is damaged because of a reckless comment made on Facebook, Twitter, or other social media channels, they may consider pursuing a defamation lawsuit against the insulting party. Through a libel lawsuit, they may be able to recover compensation for the damages that they have sustained.

Online Defamation

Social media grew exponentially during the 21st century with the advent of various social media channels. Additionally, online commentary sites such as Yelp and review sites have enabled individuals to leave reviews that allow thousands of individuals to read their comments. Many social media sites exist on the idea that users must be allowed to share information. Often, this sharing occurs without any thought to the truth of information or without regulatory oversight. Additionally, anonymous profiles and sites have allowed individuals to post what they really think instantaneously. Some users assume a completely different personality than they show in the real world. Online commentators may be rewarded with attention and public support when they blast other individuals. Most sites may check for pornographic or inappropriate content, but many do not screen for potentially defamatory content.

Potential Defendants

While some victims may hope to pursue Internet service providers or the hosts of websites in the hope of going after deep pockets, a federal law called the Communications Decency Act prohibits suing these entities for defamation. Instead, wronged individuals should pursue a claim against the individual or entity that made the derogatory statement. This is usually accomplished by filing a complaint in the appropriate state court.

Elements of Defamation

While each state’s laws can vary, the basic elements of a defamation suit are explained below. Generally, defamation is a false statement that is published and injurious to the victim’s reputation.

False Statement

A victim must be able to establish that the statement was false. The truth is a complete defense to a defamation lawsuit. For defamation lawsuits, the burden of proof is on the suing party.


The alleged defamatory statement must be presented as a fact and not as an opinion. However, an opinion can be considered a fact statement if a reasonable person would have interpreted it as such.


"Published" can literally mean in print, such as in a newspaper or on a website. It can also mean "said in front of others". This element is satisfied if the statement has been communicated to a third party. Proving that a statement was published is not usually difficult for a case involving social media, providing that the plaintiff can show that the content was on the web-page by printing it out. Likewise, the content is considered published whether three people read it on an obscure website or 300,000 people read it on a popular social media page.


In order for a plaintiff to prevail in a defamation lawsuit, he or she must be able to show that the defamatory statement damaged him or her in some way. This may be expressed as demonstrating that the damage was significant, quantifiable and documented. This is usually accomplished by showing that the victim’s reputation has been damaged. If the person who was insulted online was running a business, damages may be shown by the loss of business or profit. Some statements are so inherently injurious that a victim may not need to show actual damages, such as statements accusing the individual of committing a crime, of being incompetent in his or her profession, of certain sexual conduct, or of having an infectious disease. A common test to determine whether a person’s reputation has been damaged is if the comment would cause the individual’s peers to think less of him or her.

Examples of Social Media Defamation

Not every untrue or unkind statement is actionable. However, many statements are. For example, if you accused a person on social media of abusing his or her spouse or children, such a statement would likely be considered defamatory if it were not true. Even if an individual posts information that is partially true and partially false, he or she can be found liable for defamation. For example, a person may claim that an individual was fired for harassment. The individual may have been fired but not for harassment. The court may find defamation still existed despite some truth to the statement.

Thursday, October 31, 2019

Your Daily Tarot Cards ~ Audio Version

Daily Tarot Cards/Audio Version

You'll find the written version of these cards
posted at
 The Tarot Parlour's FB Page

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I just pulled 8 of cups ~ this is the card that tells you when it's time to leave, its time to end something, and it's time to move on to other places, events, and people in life. I'm hearing a couple different things... 1) Someone may regret a hasty exit, or a hasty ending. The thing is, once the story has evolved to this point, it's very hard, if not impossible, to go back. It's like zombie movies -- you can revive the dead, but they'll never be quite be the same 2) I see a couple who have separated, one of you is determinedly trudging ahead, not looking back, trying very hard to move forward and focus on the future. The other one is morosely reliving and rethinking the relationship, unable to move on, and regretting the separation. What happens in a situation like this? It depends on how successful the first person is on moving forward. And it depends on how long the second person will wait for them to return.

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Tuesday, October 29, 2019

7 Things Crazy-In-love Couples Do

Did you know you can transform your relationship in 20 seconds?

If you truly want the best relationship possible, don't leave the fate of your "happily in love" connection to luck or chance. Trust me, couples who thrive for the long-term actively choose behaviors that keep them in a good place with each other.

As a marriage therapist who has been happily married and counseling for 40 years, here are the top 7 habits I see ridiculously happy couples practice faithfully:

1. Spend time together.

It is staggering how many couples come to my office having not spent a single meaningful moment together since their last session. I know, I know — Kids and jobs quickly derail your chances of alone time. But come on! You can't connect if you never spend time together. It's the most obvious and basic step of keeping love alive.

So get with it, pull out your calendars, set a date to spend some time together, and then honor it. Create a space where you can breathe together, that is when meaningful connection and conversations occur.

2. Know your partner's love language.

This one is so important. Just because your mom sang your praises for cleaning up your room doesn't mean your partner is as impressed by the act. We each value different loving behaviors and gestures in our relationship. Often, couples have completely different love languages.

If you don't know what your partner's is, ask. Your honey has probably tried to share theirs, but you may have missed it. So, find out today.

Just ask, "What things have I done that make you feel the most loved?" Perhaps it will be the time you surprised her by cooking dinner. Perhaps his will be just touching him affectionately.

Unsure of what the different love languages are? Make a date to flip through The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman together. Discovering your partner's love language makes showing appreciation and affection truly fun and fulfilling.

3. Commit to 20-second hugs twice a day.

I'm not talking about a polite, A-shaped hug. I mean a hip-to-hip, really holding each other bear hug. Why must it last 20 seconds? Because that's how long it takes for your oxytocin to kick in (otherwise known as "the cuddle hormone"), which gives you that delightful feeling that all is right with the world (and your relationship).

I regularly "prescribe" 20-second hugs to my patients because the gesture is powerful medicine. So, every morning before you leave for work and then again when you get home, spend 20 full seconds in an embrace. I guarantee you, one or both of you will quickly slip into your happy place.

But remember, because it works so well and feels so good, if you skip this ritual too often, your partner will soon feel uncared for. So, commit to it and enjoy it!

4. Learn to listen (without interrupting).

Nothing says "I love you" more than really listening when your partner speaks... about their thoughts, about their feelings. Even about that big meeting with their boss and their stressful busy day.

Authentic listening is a skill most people struggle with. It means shutting off your screens, dialing down your own thoughts, making eye contact, nodding your head in an appreciative way — you know, actually caring and being present. Supportive grunts and high-fives are also appropriate. Bonus points for touching your partner's arm at appropriate moments to show you're genuinely paying attention.

Giving your partner the floor without needing to put in your own two cents (or stealing the spotlight) shows that their thoughts and feelings are as important to you as your own. Just make sure to mirror back what your partner says (without editorial comments, of course). Don't tell them what to do, simply reflect what you heard them say and your understanding of how it impacted them.

5. Keep each other in the loop.

How can you know when to celebrate or commiserate with your partner if they don't keep you informed about what's going on in their life? If your partner believes their entire work future depends on keeping this current client happy, you can suggest dinner out to toast occasions when those happy client moments occur. Or when your partner shares that they're working through tension in a valued family connection, you can smile and show support when they report that speed bump was successfully smoothed over.

We all want and need to come home to someone who carries us in their mind as we face the challenges and joys of our day. Knowing that your partner cares about your life outside of just your relationship together makes you feel protected, cheered for, and like your place on Earth matters.

6. Actually plan your future together (on an actual calendar).

Most of the stuff that matters in relationships won't happen unless it's on the calendar. This includes sex, getting together with friends, and making time to see each other. Making time every month to set goals together will increase your sense that you're on the same journey together, planning a meaningful future that you both prioritize and value.

Remember, you're on a team, so pull together, whether it's around the children, your individual career goals, your sex life, or just figuring out what you want to do this weekend.

7. Reassure each other often.

Everyone needs reassurance from time to time. Don't wait until one of you needs it to give it. Frequently affirming how much you care keeps the other person relaxed and feeling safe in your relationship. Sometimes an out-of-nowhere, heartfelt "I love you" instantly makes up for all of those moments when you didn't understand each other.

And nothing keeps us feeling secure in our relationship like hearing all of the ways our partner appreciates us. It's hard to slip into insecurity about their love when they've just mentioned two reasons why they're so glad you're in their life. 


Human beings survive across the ages because our brains evolved with a negativity bias... remaining ever alert to what's possibly wrong. Our brains feed us flashes of every potential danger which often means we're imagining some of them. When you see your partner panic and "make up" a problem, rather than get mad or defensive, reach out to them calmly. They just need some reassurance to quiet that primal part of their brain.

The common thread of the 7 habits above is that they each teach happy couples to focus on what is going right in their relationship versus what is going wrong. So celebrate what you want to see more of.

Compliment instead of criticizing. Deep down we all yearn for the feeling found in the beautiful words of Mr. Rogers: "I love you... just the way you are." Challenge yourself to let go of criticism, and invite your partner to rest in the happiness of being loved for exactly that.

As a marriage counselor and partner to his wife for over 40 years, Dr. Jim Walkup helps couples build their relationship to last a lifetime. Visit his website for a copy of his eBook "A Marriage Counselor’s Secrets To Making Your Marriage Sizzle". Or, if you're in the state of New York, to schedule a Skype appointment or an in-person office appointment, call 914-548-8645 or drop Dr. Walkup an email at jimwalkup@gmail.com

Coaching Your Brain to Stop Being Angry

You and a relative, significant other, friend, or coworker had a falling out. The wounds are still fresh. You’re still angry. Every time you think of their indiscretion, you seethe. Maybe plenty of time has gone by since the incident, but you just can’t seem to get over it. Here’s what you can do.


To get past your anger, it helps to understand what anger really is. Feelings are generated by what’s called the “motivational system.” They’re a way of helping you gauge how effectively your goals are being met. And it’s how you interpret those feelings that creates an emotional experience.

When a goal that matters to you gets blocked, that feels bad. The more important the goal, the stronger the negative feeling. When circumstances cause the goal to fail, then you’re frustrated by those circumstances. But when an individual is the source of the blockage, then you get angry at them, since they’re the source of the problem.

From an evolutionary standpoint, the high energy and aggressive posture that come with anger make lots of sense. If you have to fight off a foe, then yelling and using physical force can be useful. In the modern world though, where so many of our goals are conceptual and no amount of physical force can help us solve our problems, anger can be less useful, to say the least.

In order to calm yourself down and ease these emotions, particularly if they’ve lasted for a while, you can’t just try and force the original incident out of your mind and hope you’ll eventually stop being mad. You need to look back at what the person did to you. Does it still seem as important now as it did when it first happened? If not, then you might want to try forgiving the person for their action. If what they did seems unforgivable though, then you’ll need another strategy.


But first, consider forgiveness. There’s growing evidence that forgiveness benefits the forgiver, not just the forgiven.

One of the reasons we stay angry at people is because we’re reminded continuously of the details of what they did to us. Those details make the transgression feel fresh. Remembering them reignites activity in the motivational system, which causes the original anger to flame up all over again.

So, when someone says, “I can forgive but never forget,” don’t believe them. When you forgive someone, it helps you to forget the details of what the person did to you. The two go hand in hand. Over time, this forgetting makes it harder for the transgression to really activate your motivational system again. As a result, you’re no longer able to generate the energy required to really feel angry at the other person.

You may always be wary of them, and you may not fully trust them ever again, but that’s different than staying mad. Even if your relationship doesn’t recover, at least you won’t remain actively angry at them forever.


What about when you really can’t forgive someone? Does that doom you to reliving in vivid detail the circumstances of the original blow-up forever? Not necessarily. Even when you can’t forgive, you don’t necessarily need to put yourself in situations that preserve high levels of anger toward them. The strength of your emotional reaction to a person depends on the degree of psychological engagement you have with them. This may make the process more challenging if there is constant and close proximation.

Often, when you’re angry with somebody, you tend to think repeatedly about the thing they did to you, which keeps you emotionally engaged with the way you were wronged. Psychologists call this repetitious thought pattern “rumination,” after the term for how cows chew their cud.

To avoid ruminating, give yourself some psychological distance from the situation. Focus on other aspects of your life. When you do think about the situation, imagine it from the perspective of one of your friends, not from your own standpoint. By pushing yourself to see it from the outside, you’ll be coaxing your mind to think of the situation more abstractly. As a result, the specific details of what that person did will be less available to you, and so they’ll have less influence on your emotional state.


Finally, it’s worth pointing out that anger tends to lock us into a single way of thinking about what happened. That interpretation becomes a sore that won’t heal.

An alternative approach is to find other ways to characterize the situation. Expressions like “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” are actually onto something, psychologically speaking, because they encourage you to look at your current situation in a different way. The transgression someone else committed may still have created another opportunity for you that you might not have considered otherwise. That may not make you feel better about the person, or the indiscretion, but it may make you feel better about the current situation.

You can also try considering the situation from the vantage point of the person you’re mad at. We have a strong tendency to assume that others’ actions are driven by characteristics they have (like being weak, deceitful, or dishonest) rather by the circumstances that lead them to take those actions. When you take that person’s perspective, aspects of their situation may become more obvious, and that may help you understand why they acted as they did, even if you still don’t agree with it.

It’s never easy to stop being mad at someone. And you may even feel like their behavior fully warrants staying mad at them. But the emotion of anger can be powerful, and it rarely leads us to make productive decisions in life. If you can’t find a way to get past it, you won’t just be punishing the other person with your anger, you may be hurting yourself, too.


Art Markman, PhD is a professor of Psychology and Marketing at the University of Texas at Austin and Founding Director of the Program in the Human Dimensions of Organizations. Art is the author of Smart Thinking and Habits of Leadership, Smart Change, Brain Briefs, and, most recently, Bring Your Brain to Work.

Your Daily Tarot Cards ~ from The Tarot Parlour

I just pulled 5 tarot cards for today. Is there something that you need to hear?… 10/pentacles; 10/cups; 2/wands; 8/cups; 7/swords ~

I just pulled 7 of swords ~ a liar is about to put his foot in his mouth, or to fall in a well-placed trap. People who practice deception should realize that deception is a facade. This facade takes a lot of work and energy to create, and it can’t be successfully held in place forever. The truth will eventually pop out, like a glitch in the matrix. What follows is a domino effect. People who practice deception are usually willing to risk losing everything… follow the link above to see what the other cards have to say.

Friday, October 25, 2019

In the Spirit of Halloween ~ Ask a Mortician

This little lady is a mortician in Los Angeles, with a mortuary business called "Undertaking LA".  She's the author of books on death, and she's an advocate for "going green" with natural burials and a lot of what would be considered unorthodox alternatives.  She's hilarious, and charming, and an absolute delight to watch -- yes, even with her subject matter.

Enjoy!... Caitlin Doughty

Book Tour:

"From Here to Eternity"

Book Tour:

"Smoke Gets in Your Eyes"

Book Tour:

"Will Cats Eat My Eyeballs"

Ms. Doughty answers questions
from children in her new book.

When You Fall In Love With the Guy Who's Still In Love With His Ex


When you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you probably won’t realize it at first. He’s hooking up with you.  He’s obviously not that broken up about his last relationship.

When you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you may begin to notice that he has good days and bad days. Sometimes it seems like he can’t keep his hands off you, and other days he’s standoffish, impatient, and sharp. Or he treats you with disinterest, or as an irritation.

When you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you’ll eventually pick up on the unusual tone in his voice when he speaks of her.  Maybe he brings her up too frequently in conversations and a wistful look comes over his face, or he'll become emotional talking about an incident that made her sad or unhappy.  You’ll awkwardly stand and listen.  You don’t want to rudely interrupt him, but you’d rather discuss just about anything else in the world than this.  Or maybe it’s the opposite – each time you ask a casual question about her, he wears a pained expression and changes the topic as soon as possible. It’s evident that he would rather discuss just about anything else in the world than this.

When you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you may spot her name pop up ever so often on his phone, or he may attempt to hide her in his contacts under another name.  You try not to dwell on it.  It’s perfectly normal, in certain situations, for exes to remain friends and nothing inconvenient comes from it.  But something doesn't feel right.  Your intuition kicks in, and you realize the amount of contact going on is not normal, and the secrecy surrounding this contact is definitely not normal.  He's treating this connection with his ex like a man who's having an affair.

This unusual contact with his ex will make you feel like a third wheel.  You won't understand what your role in his life is, and you may even feel like you're interloping on their "husband/wife" relationship.   Finally, you may muster up the courage to utter the dreaded question,  “What are we?”  Because you're honestly not sure.

It took you immense effort to conjure enough confidence to ask this question, and his long stumbling detailed response to this question prompts you to ask another... “Are you still in love with your ex?”

Your boldness takes both of you by surprise. He stares at you, mouth agape, contemplating how he’s going to answer this question, but his hesitation already answered the question for you.  Your next question, "What on earth do you two talk about?" and his long astonished embarrassed silent pause confirms your suspicions.

Deep down you know that if you fell for a man who wasn’t still in love with his ex, he would have immediately answered these questions with no hesitation.  Better yet, there would have been no signs that compelled you to even ask him about his relationship and feelings for his ex.  The issue would have been nonexistent.  Most people, men and women alike, are eager to put their past relationships behind them.  If you suspect someone is not over their ex, you’re probably right.

If you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you need to accept it and move on.  It may be hard, really hard, but what’s even harder is living with the knowledge that another woman still occupies his heart. You could put all of your energy into trying to win him over, to show him how much you love him, and how devoted to him and your relationship you are... you could cook all his favorite foods; you could perpetually be ready to have sex at any moment; and you could wait on him hand and foot, being at his every beck and call. But not only will this be futile, you don’t deserve the burden of trying to make room in his heart for you, and you alone.

You deserve a man whose thoughts revolve around you, and only you, as his partner and someone who shares his life.  You deserve someone who chooses you as much as you have chosen them.  You deserve a man who is going to put 100% of himself into the success of your relationship.