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Wednesday, December 22, 2021
Tuesday, December 21, 2021
- A Note from The Boundary Fairy:
It’s hard to believe that there are people who really don’t understand these boundaries, but there are. So to those people, and to uncomfortable or suspicious spouses/partners, here’s some confirmation that you have a right to be giving your better half the stink eye.
- 1. When it's secretive.
If you are deleting your emails — either to a second party or from a second party — that's a red flag. Because by deleting them, you are guessing that your spouse/partner would be upset if they read them, and that you are covering up something.
- 2. If it has a sexual agenda.
This isn't always obvious, of course. But if you notice that your correspondence with this person feeds your sexual fantasies (because an affair is often about sexual fantasy), then you are probably in dangerous waters. If the communication consists of subtle sexual overtones, watch out.
- 3. If you're spending a considerable amount of time talking to him (her).
According to marriage therapist Allyson P., a person needs to consider not only the content of the messages sent back and forth but also the amount of them. For example, if you are emailing a "friend" 15 times a day, that's a tad extreme, even if the content is about SpongeBob Square-Pants.
- 4. If you are rationalizing.
"They are just a friend" is a statement that you don't say to yourself when you're involved in innocent communication. Do you feel the need to justify a very safe friendship? No. It's obvious to you and to your mate that the companionship is completely appropriate.
- 5. If it's meeting your personal needs.
If you are getting your intimacy needs met in an online relationship or with a co-worker with whom you playfully banter, you might stop to ask yourself why. Be especially careful if you’re sharing intimate sentiments with that person that you don’t share with your spouse/partner, or if you feel like your online companion understands you in a way that your spouse/partner doesn't. Be on guard if you are receiving satisfaction from this person in any way that you don't at home.
- 6. If you talk about your marriage or your spouse.
It's disrespectful to share intimate details about your marriage/relationship or your spouse/partner, and especially in a discourteous manner or with a flippant attitude. Imagine that your spouse/partner were overhearing your entire conversation. Would you still say it?
- 7. If your spouse doesn't like it.
You have just won a red flag if a spouse or partner has expressed disapproval of your communication with X, because it usually means that either the content of the correspondence or the amount of it is off balance. This is a warning that the interaction isn't totally appropriate, or the time spent talking (online or offline) with this person is distracting from family life.
- 8. If your friend voices concern.
Pay attention if a good friend asks you why you are talking about this person so much, or if they say something like, "Wake up. You are in a committed relationship. They are in a committed relationship. You need to focus on what you have and stop obsessing about what you don't."
- 9. If your intentions are wrong.
Let's say your spouse/partner is constantly knocking you down, nagging at you, telling you to lose 20 pounds because they didn't intend to marry a beached whale. The natural, or at least easy, thing to do is to find a new attractive person who will feed your ego and tell you that you’re sexy, funny, smart, and so on.
Friday, December 17, 2021
On this page you’ll find private videos that are created exclusively for The Patron’s Page. Some of these videos will be free, but they will be posted as private unlisted videos at YouTube and will only be viewable on this page. These videos may include tarot readings, special information and previews on books and other upcoming projects, magical information and spells, as well as videos of my personal life and reflections.
When you make a purchase, be sure to include a working email address. The link to these private unlisted videos will be emailed to you.
Thursday, December 16, 2021
Wednesday, December 15, 2021
"Limerence"... is a romantic obsession with an individual you are not with. This is often an Ex. But it could also be a stranger, a casual acquaintance, or even a celebrity.
Tuesday, December 14, 2021
Monday, December 13, 2021
After you make your purchase, I'll email you a YouTube link to the video. Make sure you include a working email address with your purchase.
- Patron's Vid #5 ~ The Devil & The Hedonist
The Devil made me do it. So, what's your poison?
This video embraces the awkward world of the hedonist and their addictions. This video gives advice to the innocent people caught in the web of someone else's weakness... heed it.
Friday, December 10, 2021
Wednesday, December 8, 2021
- Three of Boons…
Someone so much more experienced in life and in the ways of the world is stirring the pot of manifestation. With a gleam in her eye and a twinkling of her cauldron, she see’s what the future can be, she knows the paths you should be taking, and she knows the short cuts through the dark woods.
- The Forest Lord…
He is complacent in his position within the forest. He knows who his stalwart defenders are. The Forest Lord is neither rushed to reach his goal, nor is he anxious for the final outcome. He has set his course, checked his defenses, and is sure of his power.
As the silver light and mystical shadows fall upon the clearing, the truth is hidden somewhere close by, in those dark places so many of us are afraid to go. Don’t be tricked by the whimsical face of the moon, lift the fern, look behind the branches of the trees, watch the reflections on the pond for visions that bring clarity.
Monday, December 6, 2021
Sunday, December 5, 2021
I've discovered another beautiful YouTube channel... The Cottage Fairy. This lady tapes some of the most visually gorgeous videos without a ton of expensive cameral equipment, which makes her creative process and final product even more amazing. She's a very talented videographer, has an interesting life style and interests, has a beautiful soft calm voice, and her channel is just so appealing on so many levels.
Enjoy!... and go subscribe.
Thursday, December 2, 2021
Monday, November 29, 2021
- 1. What is an important theme in my month ahead?
- 2. A secret that will unfold this month.
- 3. A blessing that will appear this month.
- 4. Where can I look to the find magic in my day to day.
- 5. What can I do to practice my magic this month?
- 6. How an I build trust in my intuition?
Friday, November 26, 2021
Tuesday, November 23, 2021
Thursday, November 18, 2021
Thursday, November 11, 2021
you'll get the real picture
Monday, November 8, 2021
Another visually beautiful video with an uplifting message. These videos manage to be informative, inspiring, visually enchanting, and relaxing. Some of them have an almost ASMR quality about them. This lady has a very soothing soft voice that's very comforting and the ability to make you feel as though she's speaking directly to you.
You'll find all sorts of herbal information including how to videos for making remedies and tinctures; natural household products; natural body care products; as well as interesting holiday tips; and much more. You'll have an opportunity to see some gorgeous Irish countryside and learn some Irish lore.
Here's another post I'll add to the Relationship Links. This one is a doozy, and one of the first articles I've found that actually acknowledges habitual cheating as a sexual addiction. Though I believe it could also be an emotional addiction as well, coming from someone who is extremely insecure and in constant need of validation that they are attractive and desirable. One thing this article doesn't go into is the link between cheating -- sexual addiction -- and pornography, but I'm pretty sure I'll eventually find an article that links these topics as well.
Read on. Do you recognize anyone in your life as one, or a combination, of these types? Do you recognize yourself? Have you experienced this type of addict? Did you confront them? What was their reaction? Denial? Or did they adamantly claim to you that "this will never happen again"? If it's the latter, there's a probability that they've been saying this repeatedly to every partner they've ever had, because remember... we're talking addiction here.
This article has been excerpted from the book:
Addicted to Adultery: The Other Reason Spouses Cheat
- 1. The Hunter Cheater
It is the cheating heart, who is very intentional about his behavior, that I term “The Hunter.” This addict is mostly looking for participants in his game. This could take place at weddings, their child’s birthday party or even on their honeymoon where they are cruising for victims. They are looking for the weak, needy or another sex addict for a quick hit. They tend to have pickup lines or a clear modus operandi to capture their prey. The hunter rarely is looking for an equal, because an equal could hurt them. This could be a doctor or lawyer whose prey is the secretary, waitress or woman at a bar. I often have to highlight for hunters they are really picking up wounded sparrows, not hunting for eagles. They tend to be the smart, successful, smooth-talking guy who exudes a certain sexual or narcissistic energy. It’s all about them and their needs. The stench of entitlement is also present in the hunter’s heart.
- 2. The Hero/Nice Guy
Ken is the nice guy at work. He does his job and seems to make time for chitchat. He gravitates to the females at work. He asks about their work load, their husbands or if they need help with a project, even a home project, especially if the woman is divorced. He is always quick with a compliment on how a woman is dressed and knows when to tell a slightly off-colored joke or two. As a woman, you will always feel special around Ken.
This is the person who “wants to help.” This type of cheater can see a victim’s need a mile away, and they want to rescue the maiden in distress, so to speak. This person wants to be a friend to their victim, talk about the victim’s life, marriage, kids or job. This nice guy wants you, the victim, to know they really care.
The hero/nice guy’s adulterous heart is quick to praise, quick to appreciate and quick to pick up on cues as to whether you are starting to trust them. They get excited when the victim trusts them, because they are close to the kill. Even after sex, they want to be seen by the victim and themselves as a nice person. This addict will victimize a woman, engage in several sexual encounters and will exit the relationship, because he loves his kids or thinks the victim should give her husband another chance. Even after victimizing the other person, they want to be thought of by everyone as the nice person they need to believe they are. It takes a little while to see themselves as perpetrators, because they really want to hang on to the image of a hero or nice person. Honestly, heroes and nice people don’t cheat. It’s that simple.
This is the person who is most likely to tell the victim they care for them, love them and tell them they’re special or that they have a future together. They don’t really mean it, but it does make them feel better as to why they are cheating.
- 3. The Hurt/Wounded
Max is depressed, a little overweight, enjoys video games and goes to the sports bar. He seems like a loner. He’s attractive but acts shy. If approached, he lights up and is quick to tell you about his parents dying, the last job he lost or his feelings about the last team that lost. He looks like a lost, little puppy that with just a little love from the right kind of woman could make a man out of him.
The hurt or wounded type of cheater is exactly the opposite of the others we have discussed so far. This man plays the victim role. Their spouse doesn’t love them, appreciate them or have sex with them. This is the person who is looking for someone, anyone to help them in life. They are the person you feel sorry for. That is their way of reeling in their victims. The addict wants the victim to feel like she is helping him, and she is significant, respected and valued by him.
This person tends to underachieve in life and, in relationships, just can’t seem to get it right until their victim comes into their life. They are constantly looking to be saved, helped or delivered from their circumstances or current bad marriage. They attack victims by their neediness.
Oftentimes, this type of cheater doesn’t want to grow up. He wants others to do the hard work of life and be responsible. If they grew up, they wouldn’t know how to attract victims since this has been their method of acting out for so long.
I remember a female sex addict and I discussed her hurt, wounded, cheating heart. She said something like, “I go out to the bar, act like I need help, tell them how my overweight husband won’t have sex with me, and it works every time.” She was able to see that she was the predator, and her lure was this hurt, wounded girl who needed to be rescued from a lack of sex. Unfortunately, neither she nor her husband chose recovery, and she continued acting out.
- 4. The Opportunist
Sharlene is a 35-year-old, never married, southern bell. She talks like she’s from the South, wears tight clothes and has an amazing smile. She spends a lot of time in public places, looking for that smile to be returned. She’s quick to say hello and asks a few questions, needing some advice from men regularly. She is always touching men on their arms or shoulders and giving that look wondering, “Do you like what you see?” She’s had sex with six married men in just a month, and she really likes each one.
This cheating heart is the trickiest to detect. They don’t necessarily have a victim profile at all. Their victims are any shape, age and socioeconomic class. This heart is looking for the magic look of interest or energy. The other person could be twenty years older or younger, fat or skinny, rich or poor. This heart is exhilarated by being wanted or desired. It’s as if their heart has a gas tank of “want me,” and anyone who does want them lights the match and wham. It doesn’t matter what the package is, be it the cleaning woman, nanny, pool boy, secretary or dog groomer. It only matters that there is an opportunity.
These people don’t even make sense to themselves. They can’t see the opportunist theme until you point it out to them. Then voila, it makes sense why any shape, size or personality doesn’t matter. These people eventually snag a crazy person that can create real havoc in their life.
- 5. The Professional
Richard is a CEO of an American arm of a huge international company. He is a six-foot-six, sharp-looking man in great shape and has a commanding intellect. Richard has an attractive wife, two adult children and three homes. Richard is known to travel regularly to the same three locations: China, Brazil and Germany. When he is on his trip, he has arranged for sexual services as part of his trip. He knows exactly what days he will have available, and in two of the three locations, he has had the same women for three years.
This type of cheater is typically a man. Often, this guy is also a sexual or intimacy anorexic. He is not looking for love, nor does he care about the other person’s wants, needs or what they think of him. He wants to be serviced. He may or may not have a specific type of service in mind. He believes he is paying for the confidentiality of their sexual acts.
This person tends to have stashes of cash that nobody is aware of. They want to look normal to themselves. They have the nice wife, kids and regular vacations, but they want to be bad when they want to be bad. They rationalize, “Nobody knows, nobody gets hurt.” They don’t see their disconnectedness as a problem but as strength. If they do engage someone who is not a prostitute or stripper, then they will often control the other person with money. When they feel safe with an arrangement, they might stick to one person, because safety is more important than variety.
- 6. The Fetish Cheater
Anthony has a corporate job in a major city. He has been married to Lynn for nine years. They don’t have any children, and truth be known, they have little sex. Anthony states his overtime is to prove himself, so he can be promoted. Lynn feels alone, unwanted, like a roommate and has gained 15 extra pounds since being married to Anthony. Anthony is a cross-dresser. He likes to go out in public as a woman, and then have sex with another cross-dresser. His cross-dressing partner keeps his female clothes close by his office. He likes to go to a coffee shop or restaurant, have some food and go to his partner’s apartment and have sex a couple times a week.
This is a very specific type of cheater. They only want one flavor of ice cream. Their fetish is usually very restrictive. Oddly enough, they will pass up other available sexual opportunities outside their fetish appetite. This cheater is about one thing, the fix. It’s rarely relational. It’s about doing, watching or participating in a very specific sexual act.
This type of cheater will go to great lengths and, sometimes, great risk to receive a very specific fix. This cheating heart is also compartmentalized and often has a sense of entitlement. My experience with the fetish cheater is that, many times, they are intimacy and sexually anorexic in their marriage as well.
Wednesday, November 3, 2021
- Someone's chipping away, common sense will come to your rescue
- Mediation and a meeting of the minds
Monday, November 1, 2021
Sunday, October 31, 2021
Friday, October 29, 2021
It's hot outside already, though it doesn't register any great number yet. The desert sun seems to have an omnipotence about it, even in October. And I'm lazy this morning. I don't feel like hauling computer, camera, cards, etc., out to the front porch to tape a reading. And I want to finish my coffee in the relative cool cave of my house.
So here we are.
Today we look at the cards through the written word, which is actually more efficient and precise.
Actual photo, right now, that cup
of coffee I want to finish.
- Wheel of Fortune...
There's always that one person, sometimes that one irritating person, who just seems to ride the waves of life effortlessly, in a golden haze of success, without even trying.
The thing is, when this person does fall off the Wheel (and eventually they will), it hits them harder than the average person, the average Joe who knows what it's like to struggle, because they have never had to.
And the odd thing about this is that how they handle a glitch in their seemingly perfect blessed life will show you unabashedly, candidly, just what kind of person they REALLY are. This is where revelations are born, this is where questions get answered and questions get birthed, this is where you get to acknowledge that you honestly and thoroughly know someone, or else you find yourself suddenly facing a stranger.
For those who handle real life glitches and dilemmas with grace, intelligence, and maturity, good for them. They'll find their way back up on that Wheel, and soon, because they actually belong there. It's their destiny,
But for those who flounder, whine, blame, make excuses, wallow in pity and anger, fall apart at the the first touch of Real Life... they will never ride that Wheel again, it's not theirs to mount.
Thursday, October 28, 2021
Monday, October 25, 2021
Friday, October 22, 2021
You can purchase this private unlisted video at this link:
This is a reading for Aries. There's a LOT going on with Aries, and one of the most important things is that you're finally going to find your voice and work up enough nerve to confront an a**hole. 'Bout time, Aries.
purchase a copy of my book "The Spiritual Feminist".
"So many people throughout my life have told me who I am, what I must do, what I can't do, what I have to complete, and what I will never be able to accomplish, and then I met the Goddess." (From The Spiritual Feminist)
Wednesday, October 20, 2021
Patron's Page/Video #2: Is someone sabotaging my efforts?...
If you feel that someone is setting you up, someone is passing along untrue gossip and tarnishing your romantic relationship or your job or your project, this reading is for you.
You can purchase this private unlisted reading @ the following link:
Tuesday, October 19, 2021
Monday, October 18, 2021
Are you in the throes of a brand new relationship rife with passion and excitement, or do you know someone who is? There's a word of caution here.
Saturday, October 16, 2021
This is a run-down on the newest video playlists at my YouTube channel and just what kind of videos and readings you will find on them, along with a link to the playlist. Some of these playlists are loaded with several videos, and other playlists are so new they may have one (or two, or three...) videos on them at this time.
- From Casa Monteraine Readings
These readings are usually spur of the moment readings taped with my phone, and they are On Camera readings, so we'll be face to face. These readings are generally unedited, what you see is what you get... click HERE
- Desert Readings
- Animated Readings
- Patron's Page
- Readings with Amythyst Raine
Thursday, October 14, 2021
The most important message to come out of this reading today: If you are ending a relationship with someone who has been violent in the past, or someone who is emotionally unstable, or you are just not sure what kind of reaction this kind of devastating news will bring... DON'T DO THIS ALONE. Make sure a third party is with you, or a fourth, and a fifth.
If you need to return to the residence you shared with this person to retrieve belongings... DON'T GO ALONE. I do believe that most police forces will have an officer escort you to the residence if you are afraid, or if you feel unsafe.
For the rest of you... just because this relationship didn't work out, don't give up all hope of finding happiness. Breaking up, ending an old cycle, can be difficult and uncomfortable, but you will want to start a new cycle, a new phase of life, with a clean slate. This was a reading thick with relationship energy, and you'll find more advice and insights on this subject in this video.
READINGS WITH AMYTHYSYT RAINE...
Purchase your own private reading at my website: The Tarot Parlour
I specialize in relationship readings.
Please click the "Like" button, and/or subscribe. If you don't do this for me, my videos will not come up for you (or anyone else). Feel free to share this video with friends and family, post it on your social media, website, or blog. Blessings and many thanks!! Amythyst
Friday, October 8, 2021
This was going to be a private paid patron video, but I thought that this reading was profound and there are people out there who really need to hear this. Pisces, stop flip-flopping!... watch this reading, you'll be struck with several pertinent "revelations"!
on having sold 5,000+ copies of "The Gray Witch's Grimoire". By most definitions, in most markets, this is where it starts being thought of as a “bestseller”.
Holy buckets! So, did you buy a copy yet? If no, here's an Amazon link...
Wednesday, October 6, 2021
An on-camera video tarot reading with Amythyst Raine... It looks like you have to get your true feelings and emotions straightened out and sorted before making a very important decision. Who's the player?
Tuesday, October 5, 2021
This is a monthly tarot spread, and this is the first reading I've done in a month, since I was first hit with Covid fever. This was so much fun to do!! I missed it. I hope that you enjoy this video and that you find something in it to take away with you.
Monday, October 4, 2021
So, in November 2020, my Significant Other and I announced our engagement on Facebook. This event came complete with pretty new rings and a proposal, an answer, and the slipping of a gorgeous white sapphire ring on my appropriate finger.
Even though we had and have no immediate plans to choose a wedding date and are thrilled and happy with our status as is, the adrenalin rush was no less, and the happiness was all engulfing and heady.
At this time, we had been together officially since December 2018, and we had done big huge over-the-top things that couples do. We had sold our Nebraska houses and bought a home in Arizona, which came complete with flying trips down south to view houses and several over the road truck trips to haul our belongings to our new house. We were a couple in the adventure of a life time.
And then the calls and texts started coming in.
First, from his family. We were dismayed when we realized that not everyone shared our positive happy feelings about our new status. Best I can describe it, because I did not speak with them, my SO said... "They got all weird." There was the feeling of great trepidations, warnings, dire predictions, etc.
Next, his childhood friend and classmate started texting my SO. They were trying to nail him down on a wedding date, along with lots of questions. (I'm pretty sure I was spared details.) What really irked me was my SO's feeling that he had to give these people an explanation, explaining that we have no plans to set a wedding date at this time, that it seemed much more dignified at our age to introduce each other as a fiancé, rather than a "girlfriend/boyfriend". For me, this belittled our announcement and our happy day and reduced it to something else. I don't know why my SO simply couldn't have said, "We haven't set a date yet."
I guess our situation didn't seem strange to me because I had an Aunt who was engaged to her Significant Other for 40 years. He proposed and bought her a beautiful ring. They never moved in together, they kept their respective homes. But they were inseparable none-the-less, from their 40s into their 80s. When my Aunt died in a nursing home of Louey Body Dementia, her beloved finance died just weeks later, heartbroken I'm sure.
For my SO and me, as a couple who have several relationships and divorces between us, as a couple in our 60s who have done this before, we agreed that an engaged status was the thing for us. It highlights to the world, to friends and family, that we are serious and committed to each other. It highlights the love and respect we have for each other. It confirms that our futures are entwined, and we face the world together.
The link here is the Source for the following post. Follow it and you'll find more informative well-written articles: click HERE
In certain parts of America, the word fiancé does not mean what it used to. I first became aware of this when I was reporting a story in a small town in Wisconsin a couple of years ago and “Bug” Smith, a 50-year-old man who worked as a machinist introduced me to his “fiancée.” I was about to say “Congratulations!” but something stopped me. Their union did not have the air of expectant change about it. From their domestic surroundings, it looked like they lived basically as a married couple already, his boots next to hers by the front door, pictures of kids above the mantel. I later found out they’d been living together for 15 years and had two children.Since then I have come across this phenomenon dozens of times, almost always in working-class couples, and usually younger ones. Someone will introduce me to his or her fiancé. But what they mean is more like my “steady lady” or my “steady man.” It could mean the person they are living with, or the father or mother of their child. It could also just mean the person they’ve been dating for a long time. It could be that they only use that title in the presence of outsiders (i.e., me) because it gives an official, respectable status to a relationship that’s otherwise amorphous. It could mean that someone has actually proposed, or bought a ring, but usually not. But what it definitively does not mean is that they are choosing a wedding date or checking out venues or pricing caterers or otherwise making any kind of concrete plans for marriage. In many parts of America, fiancé has become a permanent relationship status (permanent, that is, until it’s not).
The aspiration for marriage won’t die in America, even though fewer people are getting married or think they can afford to get married. People no longer think of a wedding as a milestone that happens somewhere between high school and having children. They think of marriage as what sociologists call a “capstone”—that is, something they earn after many other things are in place in their lives, like a good job or a nice house. But they might never get the good job or the nice house. “We intended to get hitched,” Bug Smith told me. “But we just kept finding other things to do with the money. Fixed the porch, got a new engine.” Smith and many others get lost in a free-floating longing for marriage that never gets fulfilled but finds temporary home in the liberal use of the term fiancé. (I once had a guy tell me that he and his girlfriend were “married.” Then he pointed to his chest and added: “Married, in my heart.” Which means that, technically speaking, they weren’t married.)
In the meantime, while fiancés are waiting for marriage, life goes on. People live together for longer periods. They have kids: Among Americans without a college degree, 58 percent of first time births happen outside marriage. People share huge life events with each other even though they’re not married, and yet the culture hasn’t adjusted by producing any new terms to describe these novel attachments or arrangements. Describing someone as “the guy I’m living with” or “the mother of my child” might be accurate but it’s not all that efficient, and a little clinical. Girlfriend or boyfriend belittles the relationship, and partner feels like something people in New York and San Francisco say, so fiancé fills in the gap. It conveys at least the correct level of emotional attachment, which is: something like spouse but not quite.
Mostly this is a class phenomenon. College-educated women flirt with not getting married, provide fodder for lots of movies about the glories of single life, but eventually they get married (even in the movies); among college graduates, only 12 percent of first time births happen outside marriage. But there’s a trickle-down effect. Everyone watches the same movies, so everyone has inherited the idea that marriage should be really special, maybe lavish, definitely worth waiting for, as Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas argue in Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage. But since many can’t afford that fancy wedding and don’t want to go “downtown”—a term women in the book use to describe a marriage on the cheap—they just stay engaged.
“I’ve seen it among poorer couples,” says Edin. “They’re willing to get engaged but not sure they are ‘ready’ for marriage. Engagement is not a promise to marry, but rather an indication that they are thinking about it. Perhaps an indication of the high bar for marriage across classes, plus a way of gaining some ‘official’ status without the confines and expectations of marriage.” In her new book, Doing the Best I Can, co-written with Timothy Nelson, Edin tells a story about Lavelle and Big Toya (the mother of Lavelle’s child). Lavelle asks Big Toya to marry him, but she turns him down flat, because she doesn’t want to lose “her freedom, her food stamps or her subsidized apartment.” But he persuades her to let him call her his fiancée anyway. She knows she will never marry him, but that title cements the relationship enough that she will now travel to Camden so he can visit with his daughter.
Sociologists Wendy Manning and Pamela Smock, who study changing family demographics, told me that they, too, made the mistake of assuming couples who said they were engaged were making plans to get married. But when they asked follow-up questions for a large qualitative study they recently conducted with young adults on “Cohabitation and Marriage in America,” they realized that wasn’t true. Instead the term engaged, for couples of all races, seemed to be a kind of placeholder, “a way to keep the relationship going without actually making the move to marry,” says Manning. Smock says she noticed that couples use the term fiancé or engaged in a “flexible” way, that is, when dealing with authorities on the phone, or in a social setting where they might want to “own” the person more or seem like more of an “official couple.”
David Lapp, a research fellow at the Institute for Family Studies, a pro-marriage think-tank, is doing research on working-class couples in Ohio. When he asked one guy he interviewed what he called his pregnant girlfriend, the guy said: “It depends on who I’m with.” When he and his girlfriend were with what he called “professional people”—like at a car dealership looking for a car, or with a potential landlord—she’s his fiancée, although he’s never actually asked her to marry him. Otherwise, she’s his girlfriend. As he explained it to Lapp, he calls her his fiancée in front of professional people because if people see them as married, there’s the perception that they’re more respectable and less liable to party and abuse alcohol and drugs.
If anything, the liberal use of fiancé is devaluing the old term girlfriend. In the ’60s, being a girlfriend was an official status, like getting promoted to two-star general. You would get pinned, or get the letter jacket, or some other visible mark of distinction when a guy “decided” you were his girlfriend. But now being a girlfriend or boyfriend can mean anything or nothing. So if you’re really truly the girlfriend or boyfriend, you’re the fiancé.
In The Marriage Go-Round, sociologist Andrew Cherlin describes our dysfunctional relationship with marriage. Americans have unusually high marriage and divorce rates, because we are culturally attached to both old-fashioned commitment and to individual freedom. Other countries have solved this dilemma by letting go of the marriage ideal, allowing people, for example, to live together and still be considered a family, by the state and by their neighbors. Even by the guy at the car dealership, who doesn’t trust them any less for not having a signed marriage license. With 10 more years of fake fiancés, maybe we’ll get there, too.
Sunday, October 3, 2021
I'm BACK!! If anyone has noticed my absence and lack of new posts or social media activity, I've been sick with my second bout of Covid, from around August 17th to now, October 3rd. This is just my third day in a row of consistently feeling "normal". The symptoms of this virus tend to hang on, and I was beginning to think I might be a "long hauler". It's hideous. Get vaccinated, and wear a mask in public places. Believe me, you don't want my experience. Here's a link to my Facebook post update: click HERE
The Sun is filled with healing and hope, warmth and the promise of growth. It’s imbued with masculine energy and is closely connected to the god.
As it pertains to tarot ~ for clients male issues often come to the forefront, their health, happiness, fulfillment, optimism for the future. But it’s energy is also all encompassing for everyone. You’ll find an abundance of strength, unwavering support, and ridiculous amounts of in-your-face positive energy. The future can only be looking up, and if healing is needed in some aspect of your life, you’ll know it’s coming up with the Sun.
- Day of the Week: Sunday
- Color: yellow, gold
- Herbs: angelica, bay, carnation, cedar, chamomile, eyebright, frankincense, ginseng, goldenseal, juniper, marigold mistletoe, peony pineapple, rosemary, St. John’s Wort, sandalwood, sunflower, tea, witch hazel
- Stones: amber, carnelian, diamond, sunstone, tiger’s-eye, topaz (yellow)
- Element: Fire
- Energies: magick for the god, male health issues, passion, healing, spiritual connection, transformation, relationship issues
The Moon embodies the pagan goddess in paramount magical waves of silver energy. All three aspects of her, maiden, mother, and crone.
As it pertains to tarot ~ All feminine aspects rise to the surface. Women’s issues become relevant and the focus is on health, embracing natural gifts, healing, and expanding our energy and magick to the universe and beyond. Femininity becomes divine. But there is another side to this planet, the dark side. Deception and hidden motives will be revealed. Shadows will be illuminated, warnings given, gray areas of life highlighted. In this aspect, the Moon becomes a friendly enemy. As a look out or scout, the Moon will give a warning cry.
- Day of the week: Monday
- Color: silver, blue, gray
- Herbs: bladderwrack, calamus, camellia, clematis, club moss, dulse, gardenia, grape, passion flower, jasmine, lily, lotus, moonflower, moonwort, myrrh, poppy, sandalwood, willow
- Stones: aquamarine, chalcedony moonstone, mother-of-pearl, sapphire, quartz (clear)
- Element: Water
- Energies: magick for the goddess, healing, visions, dreams, intuition, divination, clairvoyance, women’s issues, motherhood, fertility
The Earth embodies our connection to the physical plane and embraces our materialistic existence.
As it pertains to tarot ~ Sometimes this planet’s energy is a much needed anchor, grounding or re-grounding us to reality, to our bodies and the life lessons we learn from it, to the energy of other living things around us, whether plant or animal. The Earth helps us to retain a connection with our ancestors, our traditions, and our lineage with humanity.
- Day of the week: all seven
- Colors: green, brown
- Herbs: barley, beet, corn, cotton, fern, honeysuckle, mugwort, oats, oleander, patchouli, potato, primrose, rhubarb, tulip, turnip, vervain, wheat
- Stones: agate (green), agate (moss), coal, emerald, hematite, jasper (brown), jasper (green), malachite, Peridot, salt, tourmaline (black), tourmaline (green)
- Element: all four
- Energies: grounding, healing your inner self, connecting with ancestors, fertility, expansion, overcoming impossible odds, durability
Mars embodies the spirit of the warrior and pushes us with a merciless shove forward to stand our ground and fight our battles.
As it pertains to tarot ~ Mars commands us to be strong, relentlessly thrusting the sword and spear in our shaky uncertain hands, forcing us to take a stand, face an enemy, make a point. It shines brilliance and shameless illumination on the-principle-of-the-thing. The energy of this planet demands that we dig deep and discover within ourselves integrity and potential.
- Day of the week: Tuesday
- Color: orange
- Herbs: allspice, basil, blood root, cactus, chili pepper, dragon’s blood, garlic, ginger, holly, horseradish, mustard, nettle, onion, pepper, pine, radish, snapdragon, thistle, tobacco, wormwood
- Stones: bloodstone, garnet, jasper (red), ruby, tourmaline (red)
- Element: Fire
- Energies: defensive magick, regaining lost territory, assertion, resolving disagreement, successfully handling disruption, goals
Mercury connects us to the magic of communication and ethereal creativity.
As it pertains to tarot ~ This planet salvages lost ideas, unspoken thoughts, and words ripped from our lips by the winds of uncertainty and hesitation. Mercury has the ability to reconnect us with loved ones, ideas, and most importantly, it reconnects us to ourselves. This planet highlights and plugs into the inter-connectedness of the human psyche.
- Day of the week: Wednesday
- Color: silver, yellow
- Herbs: almond, bracken, caraway, clover, dill, fennel, flax, lavender, lemongrass, mandrake, marjoram, mint, papyrus, parley, pistachio, senna, slippery elm, wax plant
- Stones: agate, jasper (mottled), citrine, topaz (yellow), amber
- Element: Air
- Energies: creativity-- writing, painting, sculpting, music, etc.; creativity, mental issues, learning energy, summoning spirits
Jupiter is all about expansion and growth, making more of something, or making it bigger.
As it pertains to tarot ~ Jupiter likes to speed up the process. This planet is all about developing and building on your ideas, your plan, your potential. It’s bigger-than-life energy will take us beyond our modest dreams, and ideas, and visions, elevating us and our efforts to new planes of success and growth. Things are going to happen when this planet is involved, and they usually happen in a big way.
- Day of the week: Thursday
- Color: purple
- Herbs: anise, borage, cinquefoil, clove, dandelion, dill, fig, honeysuckle, hyssop, liverwort, maple, meadowsweet, mint, nutmeg, patchouli, sage, star anise
- Stones: aventurine, amethyst, mystic topaz, jasper (brown), peridot, malachite, tourmaline (green)
- Element: Earth
- Energies: magick for expansion and growth, money and legal issues, employment, abundance, material opportunities
Venus embodies love, healthy sexuality, romance, physical beauty, and the love of beautiful things in our lives, whether it be our surroundings, or the things we fill this space with.
As it pertains to tarot ~ Venus is all our fairy tales and dreams come to life, with a healthy dose of reality thrown in. Hopeless romantics will never give up on finding the perfect mate, and this planet will make sure this pursuit will have a promising, if not perfect, ending. We chase physical beauty the same way we chase love, and Venus will address this timeless pursuit as well, often redefining this attribute for us.
- Day of the week: Friday
- Color: pink, green
- Herbs: African violet, apple, apricot, aster, barley, birch, bleeding heart, cardamom, catnip, columbine, crocus, cyclamen, foxglove, geranium, goldenrod, heather, hibiscus, hyacinth, iris, larkspur, lilac, magnolia, willow
- Stones: blue lace agate, moonstone, selenite, crystal quartz, chalcedony, rose quartz
- Element: Water
- Energies: magick for love and romance, sex, lust, passion, fidelity, beauty, resolving relationship issues, friendship
Saturn is full of dark and sometimes dangerous energy, and this is the very energy we have to be brave enough to utilize if life calls us to it.
As it pertains to tarot ~ The sweet taste of revenge often cloys in our mouth when this planet appears. The very idea makes many of us uncomfortable, some of us still enveloped in archaic and conservative modes of consciousness. But from the black depths of the universe, as well as the murky corners of our minds, we realize that there is a time and a place and a reason for Saturn’s darkness. Hopefully not all of us will have need of it, but do not fear it, and do not flinch from it, should it come up in your life.
- Day of the week: Saturday
- Color: black
- Herbs: amaranth, beet, belladonna, boneset, comfrey, fumitory, hellebore, hemlock, hemp, ivy, knot weed, mimosa, morning glory, mullein, quince, skullcap, slippery elm, tamarisk, wolf’s bane
- Stones: jet, onyx, apache tear, obsidian, tourmaline (black), coal, hematite
- Element: Earth, Fire
- Energies: protection, hexing/cursing, retribution, dark magick, revealing truth
Neptune hangs on tenaciously to reality for dear life, constantly bombarded by delusions and addictions.
As it pertains to tarot ~ The dark side is dangerously close to the surface when Neptune appears. It can encompass the diffused hazy world of drug addiction and mental illness. The energy of Neptune, if broken like a wild horse, tamed, and put to good use, can be a startling illumination of incredible awe inspiring intuition and insight. There’s a very thin line between genius and insanity. Neptune takes us there.
- Day of the week ~ Thursday
- Colors ~ green, blue, lavender
- Herbs ~ bulrush, lobelia, morning glory, night-blooming jasmine, pine, reed, reed canary grass, water lily
- Stones ~ coral, aquamarine, platinum, neptunium
- Element ~ Water
- Energies ~ dissolving boundaries, expanding upon ideas, changing established rules, intuition, idealism, sacrifice, glamour, illusion, evolution and decay
Uranus digs it’s stubborn heels into the soul of the individualist, celebrating eccentricity and rebellion.
As it pertains to tarot ~ This planet lets us know that we’re in up to our necks if we’re dealing with its energy. Getting anything done, like convincing the hoards that we have a good idea, or progressing at any acceptable rate with whatever we’re plunging into, is going to be a long difficult painful process. The energy of Uranus is maddening in it’s inability to compromise. It’s cursed with the ability to turn a blind eye, to avoid conflict at any cost, or to avoid assertion on every level. The lazy-ass energy of Uranus will lay, inert, at our feet.
- Day of the week ~ Tuesday, Saturday
- Colors ~ red
- Herbs ~ hot herbs: cayenne pepper, jalapenos; blood root; hemlock; belladonna
- Stones ~ red stones: jasper, garnet, ruby
- Element ~ Fire
- Energies ~ originality, eccentricity, sensuality, perversions, daring, idealism, conflict
Pluto comes streaking in with incredible force to destroy everything in its path. Everything in it’s wake seems to be touched by its terrible energy. We stand amidst ground zero, and we wail, we moan, we beat our chest, only to open our eyes and look around in profound wonder and amazement. All the crap is gone. The slate is clean. We can begin again.
As it pertains to tarot ~ This planet has much the same effect on us and our lives as the major arcana card The Tower. They share much of the same destructive and disruptive tendencies. However, Pluto is more discernible. It’s more apt to leave what we need and wipe out what was getting in our way.
- Day of the week ~ Saturday
- Colors ~ black
- Herbs ~ angelica, black snake root, cinnamon, clove, dill, dragon’s blood, mustard, onion, shallot, thistle, peppermint, tobacco, wormwood
- Stones ~ black stones: onyx, hematite, obsidian
- Element ~ Fire
- Energies ~ destruction, renewal, enlightenment, research, clearing, burning off, polar opposites, criminals, inspirational gurus