The one explosive moment of absolute clarity that came to me was the knowledge that these women weren’t really my friends.
[Post from Cyrstal Clear Enchantments]
In the good old days (cough), we belonged to a local Home School Support Group. They were a fanatical group of self-righteous women who pretended to be your friend to suck you in so you would accept Jesus and all that crap. To be honest, when we first joined this group the name of the group was not leaning towards anything religious. They changed the name of the group some time after I joined, at one of our meetings around Ava’s dining room table, where they gave me the impression that I had something to say about it and that my input was important. I didn’t, and it wasn’t.They wanted to change the name of the group from “Fremont Home Schoolers” to “Christian something-something Home Schoolers”. I told them I didn’t think it was a good idea, and that they would alienate people who were not home schooling for religious reasons, because you could opt out of public school two ways, and religious reasons was one of them.
My opinion didn’t matter. It reminded me of how public schools make you think you have a say in your child’s education, but you don’t really. It’s almost like a salesman’s knack of making you think you need to purchase a product when you don’t need it at all.
Anyway, one of the little things that our hostess, Ava, did for the group was to hold baby showers for its members at her house. I had gone to several, joining the quiet and serious group of women oohing and ahhing over each present that was opened.
I was closest with two of the members, Carol and Jane, ladies that didn’t live far from us.
I attended Carol’s baby shower, for her umpteenth baby, and she had many, thirteen I think before she was done. Her husband was an executive with a local company that produced irrigation systems that were shipped around the world. He was a systems analyst, and when they built their grand house — seven bedrooms and five bathrooms — we got the full tour. Afterwards, the little group that attended were quietly stunned. We had no idea they were so wealthy. Carol was thrilled when she found blue jeans for her boys at $2 a pair at the local Good Will. Crazy.
Anyway, after her baby shower at Ava’s house, at our next meeting, she was proudly telling us about all the wonderful things the church members gave her at yet another baby shower. It was big items too, like a playpen and a stroller, and one other equally impressive item that I don’t remember.
Then it was Jane’s turn. We all gathered at Ava’s house one sunny afternoon for Jane’s baby shower and drank punch with a big block of melting sherbert icecream in it and watched Jane open box after box after box, making sure that she showed equal appreciation for each thing. “OOoohing” and “Ahhhhhhing”.
Then I became pregnant with my fourth child.
Mind you, I had three babies up to this point and — I had never had a baby shower.
I was very excited, but at our next home school meeting, while Ava was in the kitchen getting us coffee and tea, Carol started off by saying to me:
“You should tell Ava that you don’t want a baby shower.”
Her reasoning was that there were so many women in the group, and they were always having babies, and it just wasn’t fair to Ava. This coming from a woman who had multiple baby showers for one baby. Why did Carol think I needed to be the designated expectant mom to stop this tradition?
I was floored.
Part 2
Several months into my pregnancy, another home school meeting came around. This time something happened that had never happened before:
Ava called me before the meeting, she said, “Now, you be sure to come to this meeting, okay? Be sure to come.”
Carol called me before the meeting, and she said, “Now make sure you come to this meeting, Okay? Just make sure you come?”
I was SO EXCITED!! I was absolutely 100% sure that they BOTH were calling me to make sure that I come to this particular meeting, because they were planning a baby shower. Ava would do this quite often. At the end of a meeting, she would say, “Okay, let’s clear the table!” And then she would reset it for a baby shower.
I was on pins and needles for days, and when the evening of the meeting came, I loaded the kids in the car and took off, my heart pounding in grand expectation. When I got to Ava’s house, I went in and noticed immediately that there were no tell-tale signs of a baby shower to come, but I thought to myself that she’s going to wait until the meeting is over.
Half-way though the meeting, I go to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup, and I notice that there is not a sign of all the goodies and treats and punch that’s always been served at the other ladies’ showers. I thought this was rather strange, and this burst my bubble, my tummy went “thud”, and I had that sinking feeling. I began to wonder if I had totally misconstrued those phone calls from BOTH Carol and Ava.
“Now you be sure you come to this meeting, okay? Make sure you come.”
I sat back down at my spot at the table, and as I listened to the women’s voices, they sounded tinny and far away. My own thoughts were filling my head, and I was feeling worse and worse, sadder and sadder, and extremely disappointed. Part of me still rebelled and kept thinking — Ava’s going to wait until the meeting is over and pull everything out like she does for the other women; okay, now that they’ve put away these notebooks, now she’s going to surprise me… and so my thoughts went like this for the rest of the evening, and still as I was leaving, all the way out the front door.
I felt absolutely crushed. I cried all the way home.
The one explosive moment of absolute clarity that came to me was the knowledge that these women weren’t really my friends.
If anyone is wondering, I had a total of seven children, and no, I have never had a baby shower.
Introducing:
This is my new blog that will contain posts and topics that might not be appriopriate or fitting for my other blogs or websites. There are a handful of posts up at Crystal Clear right now, and there will be more in the future.
Enjoy!
