Six years ago I moved to Arizona after spending my entire life in the upper midwest. It turned out to be a cultural shock, still is, I’m still adjusting — no, I’m too outspoken to “adjust”, I’m still educating the people I come in contact with when I’m hit with the offensive smell of social injustice, especially where women are concerned. The misogyny, the violence, the abuse, and the disrespectful attitude towards women in this state is disturbing. What's more disturbing is how the women here seem to accept it as a "norm".
As an example… I sold my house of almost 30 years in Nebraska and bought a home in Arizona, very proud of myself, it was a grownup very business invested thing to do. I was having stone walls put in, one in the backyard, along the north fence line, and one in the front yard, which would also have wrought iron work on it. It took me two book contracts to pay for this, and again, I felt pretty pleased with myself.
The contractor spoke Spanish as a first language, though he could also speak English. My significant other, who is first generation Mexican/American, but as American as apple pie, being born and raised in Nebraska, delighted in acting as "translator", and both men proceeded to speak Spanish fluently, totally leaving me out of the conversations, which I thought was rude, as well as being inconvenient, since I needed to know what was going on.
Early on, as we moved in down here, I noticed that workers who came to the house, whether electricians, plumbers, etc., did not speak to me, or even acknowledge my presence when they came to the house, even though I was standing right there in front of them. It didn’t matter what race or ethnicity they were, they did not acknowledge the woman in the room. It was as though I were invisible, which I found really odd, and very rude.
So this contractor arrived one morning, and I thought that’s enough of this nonsense, and I marched right up to him, out by the fence, stuck out my hand for a handshake and said good morning. He was somewhat taken aback, not prepared for such a bold and brazen female apparently. I commenced with discussing the work and what I wanted. He looked very — very — uncomfortable, and he said in a low whisper, “Excuse me, but I prefer to wait and speak to the owner.”
I was dumb-founded. And I was angry. I unloaded… “We’re not married. I am the owner of this property. I bought this house, and I am the one who is paying you.“
I think I scared the guy, he didn’t quite know what to say, he stood there with his mouth open for the longest time. I’m hoping that this was a learning experience for him and in the future he will be more careful about assumptions.
So this contractor arrived one morning, and I thought that’s enough of this nonsense, and I marched right up to him, out by the fence, stuck out my hand for a handshake and said good morning. He was somewhat taken aback, not prepared for such a bold and brazen female apparently. I commenced with discussing the work and what I wanted. He looked very — very — uncomfortable, and he said in a low whisper, “Excuse me, but I prefer to wait and speak to the owner.”
I was dumb-founded. And I was angry. I unloaded… “We’re not married. I am the owner of this property. I bought this house, and I am the one who is paying you.“
I think I scared the guy, he didn’t quite know what to say, he stood there with his mouth open for the longest time. I’m hoping that this was a learning experience for him and in the future he will be more careful about assumptions.
Don't ignore the woman in the room.
Even though it's been four or five years since this incident, it still makes me angry when I read it. I also started being as bold with other service people who would come to the house, the plumbers and what not, and they learned, through experience, to speak directly to me.
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