When Does Flirting Become Cheating ~ 9 red flags

 

• A Note from The Boundary Fairy:  

It’s hard to believe that there are people who really don’t understand these boundaries, but there are. So to those people, and to uncomfortable or suspicious spouses/partners, here’s some confirmation that you have a right to be giving your better half the stink eye.

SOURCE: 

Read the complete article at this link.

https://www.livescience.com/15015-flirting-cheating-red-flags.html

• 1. When it's secretive.

If you are deleting your emails — either to a second party or from a second party — that's a red flag. Because by deleting them, you are guessing that your spouse/partner would be upset if they read them, and that you are covering up something. 

Moreover, ask yourself this question: How would I feel if I knew my spouse (or partner) were corresponding to an attractive person in the way I talk to X?  

If you feel an uncomfortable knot in your stomach upon answering that question, there you go.

• 2. If it has a sexual agenda.

This isn't always obvious, of course. But if you notice that your correspondence with this person feeds your sexual fantasies (because an affair is often about sexual fantasy), then you are probably in dangerous waters. If the communication consists of subtle sexual overtones, watch out. 

If it feels like foreplay in anyway, that’s not good.

• 3. If you're spending a considerable amount of time talking to him (her).

According to marriage therapist Allyson P., a person needs to consider not only the content of the messages sent back and forth but also the amount of them. For example, if you are emailing a "friend" 15 times a day, that's a tad extreme, even if the content is about SpongeBob Square-Pants. 

A friend of mine confessed to me that she would spend two hours every night on Facebook chatting with an online buddy until she realized that was more time than she was spending with her husband.

• 4. If you are rationalizing.

"They are just a friend" is a statement that you don't say to yourself when you're involved in innocent communication. Do you feel the need to justify a very safe friendship? No. It's obvious to you and to your mate that the companionship is completely appropriate. 

However, you may very well be investing in an unsafe friendship if you are constantly wrestling with guilt or feel the need to rationalize.

• 5. If it's meeting your personal needs.

If you are getting your intimacy needs met in an online relationship or with a co-worker with whom you playfully banter, you might stop to ask yourself why. Be especially careful if you’re sharing intimate sentiments with that person that you don’t share with your spouse/partner, or if you feel like your online companion understands you in a way that your spouse/partner doesn't. Be on guard if you are receiving satisfaction from this person in any way that you don't at home.

• 6. If you talk about your marriage or your spouse.

It's disrespectful to share intimate details about your marriage/relationship or your spouse/partner, and especially in a discourteous manner or with a flippant attitude. Imagine that your spouse/partner were overhearing your entire conversation. Would you still say it?

• 7. If your spouse doesn't like it.

You have just won a red flag if a spouse or partner has expressed disapproval of your communication with X, because it usually means that either the content of the correspondence or the amount of it is off balance.  This is a warning that the interaction isn't totally appropriate, or the time spent talking (online or offline) with this person is distracting from family life.

• 8. If your friend voices concern.

Pay attention if a good friend asks you why you are talking about this person so much, or if they say something like, "Wake up. You are in a committed relationship. They are in a committed relationship. You need to focus on what you have and stop obsessing about what you don't." 

Friends, sisters, and mothers can often identify the red flags before you are willing to recognize them yourself.

• 9. If your intentions are wrong.

Let's say your spouse/partner is constantly knocking you down, nagging at you, telling you to lose 20 pounds because they didn't intend to marry a beached whale. The natural, or at least easy, thing to do is to find a new attractive person who will feed your ego and tell you that you’re sexy, funny, smart, and so on. 

Some folks may unconsciously seek out an admirer to get their spouse or partner to take notice of them. It can be effective! But it's also manipulative. There are healthier ways to increase your self-esteem.