Ending Physical Intimacy, when it's time to pack it up

So, we all know what the exciting first stage of a relationship is like.  It's lustful, very lustful, and amid all that, there's not always a lot of common sense to go with it.  Let's be honest.  In those first early weeks, you would never believe that you could ever find fault with this brand new damn-near perfect person.  But at some point, if you stay together long enough, reality will rear its ugly head.  And to be honest, it doesn't always take that much time.

The quickest way to throw a bucket of cold water on any physical attraction is infidelity, betrayal, whether emotional or physical or both.  And if you really want to throw icing on the cake, toss in lying for good measure.  Once someone has lied to you, you will never be able to trust them again.  If you're not with someone who is only an occasional liar, someone who may feel regret and guilt afterwards, something you might be able to work on; but you're with a pathological liar who has no sense of regret, remorse, or guilt every time they open their mouth, well, quite frankly, for most people that would be the end of the line.

So, amidst all the holiday cheer that's going around this time of year, you can bet that there are people out there who have very different priorities on their mind right now, and it's these people who I'm talking to.

Our focus today is on the physical aspect of your relationship -- sex, and whether you really want to maintain this very intimate very personal connection with someone you know you can't trust.  When is it time to put an end to this aspect of a relationship?  And know that it's perfectly okay for you to make this decision, even if you've not spoken to each other about the state of your relationship, whether you're going to maintain it or end it.  

This is about your bodily autonomy, when and if you want to share your body.  This is about your self-respect and your peace of mind.  This is about releasing yourself from the constant worry that your sexual partner, your lust buddy, is out there opening up new lines of communications with possible future targets.  Because, let's stay real here, if your partner is a pathological liar and a serial cheater, the odds are that they're also a narcissist.  Sad but true.  This is about making decisions that will benefit you -- physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Once you make the decision to end physical intimacy in your relationship, the biggest surprise that you will experience is that you no longer care what kind of fool-hardy selfish choices your partner will make.  That's it, the best thing about it -- you simply will no longer care.

With all of this said, let's take a look at what the experts have to say...

You should not have a physical relationship with a serial cheating spouse because it is highly likely to lead to continued emotional pain, a lack of trust, and potential further infidelity, ultimately damaging your own well-being and the stability of the relationship; even if they claim to have changed, a pattern of serial cheating indicates deeper issues that may not be easily addressed.

Key reasons to avoid physical intimacy with a serial cheater

Deep-rooted trust issues:

• Once someone has demonstrated a pattern of infidelity, it is extremely difficult to fully trust them again, making any physical intimacy feel tainted by suspicion and doubt.

Emotional distress:

• Continuing a physical relationship with a serial cheater can lead to ongoing emotional pain, anxiety, and insecurity, impacting your overall mental health.

Potential for further infidelity:

• Even if they claim to be committed, the likelihood of them repeating the behavior remains high, causing further heartbreak and betrayal.

Underlying issues:

• Serial cheating often points to deeper personal issues like low self-esteem, poor communication skills, or unresolved conflicts that may not be addressed even if they promise to change.

Lack of respect:

• Engaging in a physical relationship with a serial cheater can be seen as condoning their behavior, undermining your own self-respect.

What to do instead

Seek professional help:

If you are considering staying in the relationship, seek couples therapy to address the root causes of the infidelity and assess if genuine change is possible.

Open communication:

Have honest and open conversations about your concerns and needs, clearly stating that continued infidelity is unacceptable.

Set boundaries:

If you choose to remain physically intimate, establish clear boundaries and expectations, and be prepared to walk away if they are not respected.

Prioritize your well-being:

Remember that your emotional health and happiness are paramount, and do not sacrifice your own needs to stay in a relationship that is causing you significant pain.

SOURCES:

Healthy Lifestyle/Adult Health
Mayo Clinic

National Library of Medicine