Paramours, boundaries, and tempestuous communication

 

Desert Reading... Will an unexpected paramour pop up in your life? Are your boundaries secure -- are you sure? Will a tempestuous couple finally work it out, or cut it off?

The Tarot Parlour

Setting Energetic Boundaries

1. How I can separate myself from other people’s energy.

• 9/swords; 5/wands; Queen of cups

Get a grip on your emotions.
Avoid confrontation.
Learn how to chill.

The easiest way to keep yourself separated from other people’s problematic energy is to stay away from those people. It isn’t always easy to cut people from your life, but there are particular situations that warrant this when you’re looking out for your own welfare, such as friends or family that are actually enemies in disguise; ex-partners that want to keep a connection going, a connection that makes moving forward and beginning something new difficult or impossible; or co-workers that are either subconsciously causing unnecessary stress, or co-workers that are deliberately trying to poke the bear. These are but a few types of people and energies that you have to learn to separate yourself from to sustain a comfortable and happy existence in your life, and some of these people will be easier to cut than others.

Petty confrontation, bickering, constantly have to feel on guard, or feeling the need to defend yourself can all lead to an absorption of negative energy. Find ways to remove yourself from conversation, situations, or groups of people that lean toward petty bickering or other negative exchanges. Learn to walk away. There’s an unexpected perk in being able to do this. You’ll discover that this puts you in a position to view an individual or situation from a unique perspective, where you may find answers or solutions.

For very sensitive, and even empathic individuals, there are ways to protect yourself from negative energy and negative people. Magickally speaking, here are just a few suggestions: smudge yourself and your living space often; take salt baths with a pinch of rosemary and lavender added to the water; burn white candles; leave small bowls of sea salt sit in each room of your home; carry a mojo bag filled with sea salt, a clear quartz crystal, as well as an ample pinch of sage, rosemary, and hyssop; burn sandalwood incense on a daily basis. Any, or all of these magickal band-aids will help you to separate yourself from the negative energies that come with difficult, high-strung, or co-dependent individuals.

• Something I can do in the moment to top absorbing unwanted emotions.
• How I can remain grounded in my own energy.
• Something to remember when I want to set energetic boundaries.
• How I can use my energy sensitivity to help myself & others.

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SETTING ENERGETIC BOUNDARIES

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When Someone Responds to Your Boundaries With Anger

When you establish a new boundary with someone, the most common form of resistance one gets is anger. People who get angry at others for setting boundaries have a character problem. Self-centered, they think the world exists for them and their comfort. They see others as extensions of themselves.

When they hear the word “no,” they have the same reaction a two-year-old has when deprived of something: “Bad Mommy!” They feel as though the one who deprives them of their wishes is “bad,” and they become angry. They are not righteously angry at a real offense. Nothing has been done “to them” at all. Someone will not do something “for them.” Their wish is being frustrated, and they get angry because they have not learned to delay gratification or to respect others’ freedom.

The angry person has a character problem. If you reinforce this character problem, it will return tomorrow and the next day in other situations. It is not the situation that’s making the person angry, but the feeling that they are entitled to things from others. They want to control others and, as a result, they have no control over themselves. So, when they lose their wished-for control over someone, they “lose it.” They get angry. Here are six steps to consider when someone responds with anger:

• 1. Realize that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem.

If you do not realize this, you may think you have a problem. Maintaining your boundaries is good for other people; it will help them learn what their families of origin did not teach them: to respect other people.

• 2. View anger realistically.

Anger is only a feeling inside the other person. It cannot jump across the room and hurt you. It cannot “get inside” you unless you allow it. Staying separate from another’s anger is vitally important. Let the anger be in the other person.

• 3. Do not let anger be a cue for you to do something.

People without boundaries respond automatically to the anger of others. They rescue, seek approval, or get angry themselves. There is great power in inactivity. Do not let an out-of-control person be the cue for you to change your course.

• 4. Make sure you have your support system in place.

If you are going to set some limits with a person who has controlled you with anger, talk to the people in your support system first and make a plan.

• 5. Do not allow the angry person to get you angry.

• 6. Be prepared to use physical distance and other limits that enforce consequences.

This may mean blocking phone calls, texts, and emails. It may also involve shutting down connections on social sites if this person is looking for a crack in the door. An angry person who does not accept your right to set boundaries, or move on, can become obsessive and intrusive.

[SOURCE:  https://www.boundariesbooks.com/boundaries/when-someone-responds-to-your-boundaries-with-anger/ ]