I Can Feel It Coming

The other day I returned a call from my daughter, Anne.  She was cheerful, tired from work, on the verge of a cold.  We talked about all the usual Stuff.  Then she said, "Mom, this sounds weird, but I feel like something bad is going to happen.  Is it just because nothing has happened for a while?"

I about keeled over, took a deep breath and said, "That doesn't sound weird at all! 

I went on to explain to her that I've been having this feeling for the past couple of weeks.  I told her that every time she has called me, my heart jumps, and I wait to hear the tone of her voice, hoping that it will be her cheerful, "Hi, Mom, it's just me Anne", always feeling relieved when it is.

I don't know how to explain this "feeling".  I could say "dread", but even that wouldn't be completely accurate, though the feeling itself produces the emotion of dread. It's kind of a "knowing" in the back of your mind.  It's an expectancy that comes from somewhere or something I can't explain.  It tends to be a little nerve wracking.

The last time I experienced this "feeling" was Thursday, March 13, 2014...I woke up that morning next to my husband, stared at the ceiling for about five minutes, then I rolled over, woke the man up, looked into his sleepy eyes and said:  "Something really, really bad has happened to someone.  But I don't know "who" or "what".

I received a telephone call the following day informing me that my Dad had committed suicide on Thursday, March 13th.

So, my daughter has this intuition, too.  I'm so glad that she said something to me.  These types of "experiences" aren't things you feel you can necessarily share in your day to day encounter with people.  Most people wouldn't understand.  And these types of experiences in real life, usually, don't have all the fine detail and Technicolor previews they depict in the movies and tv.

So you live with it.  You wait for it.  You watch for it. 

You don't know exactly what "it" is.

But you can feel it coming.