Do's and Don'ts ~ What You Shouldn't Be Doing with Anyone But Your Partner

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Today's article was written from first hand male experience, which gives it a more potent and eye-opening quality.  Follow the link for more relationship articles by this author, Dr. Joe Martin.

The quickest way to erode the trust in your relationship is to keep secrets from your partner. Personally, I never intended to cheat on my ex-wife. But secret conversations eventually evolved into frequent conversations; and frequent conversations led to detailed conversations about my life, my wife, and our issues. It all led to the destruction of our trust and the eventual destruction of our marriage.

When you communicate with other women, are you potentially being foolish, or are you being a good husband? Allow me to share some advice I’ve had to learn the hard way about communicating with women other than my wife. Here are three Don’ts and three Do’s for communicating with women other than your partner.

First, three (3) DON’Ts:

• 1. Don’t ever complain to another woman about your partner, or let another woman complain to you about her partner.

Why? Because when you complain about your mate, you’re dishonoring her; and also, because your mate didn’t give you permission. If you want your partner to respect you, you have to respect and protect her dignity. Never disrespect the woman in your life by talking negatively about her to another woman. And don’t let another woman dishonor her partner by complaining to you.

• 2. Stay away from topics about sex, secrets, and struggles.

Why? Because it’s none of her business, and when you talk about these intimate topics with another woman, you’re discrediting the woman in your life. Never break the trust and intimacy between you and your partner; don’t be cavalier in your conversation with other women.

• 3. Never meet with women in private settings (especially online).

“Temptation operates best in secrecy.”  

The question is, if this meeting doesn't pertain to business or work, or is carried off in secrecy, without your partner's knowledge, even if the meeting was innocent (which is doubtful), it's going to make you look very guilty.  There goes our good friend... Trust.

Now here are three (3) DO’s:

• 1. Always mention and talk about your partner favorably.

Why? One, it honors her (there’s that word again), and it also sets up healthy boundaries and fires off what I call safety flares that let other women know you are taken.

• 2. If at all possible, invite your partner into the conversation.

Especially if the woman you’re talking to is going through a crisis. Ask the woman if it would it be okay for your partner to join the conversation, or ask the woman to talk to your wife instead of you. That may not always be possible, but at least ask. Look at your partner as being added reinforcement.

• 3. Tell your partner about your conversations with other women.

I don’t care how small or trivial you think the conversation was. Why? Because this holds you accountable to your partner.

If conversing, chatting, counseling, or comforting other women makes the woman in your life feel uncomfortable, then it should make you uncomfortable. Don’t call her crazy.  Instead, ask yourself, "Why are you more concerned about how the other woman feels than how your partner feels?"