Obstacles & Deception ~ Do we sabatoge ourselves?

 

This is a relaxed reading from my large front porch on a hot summer day. So, what about those obstacles that we come across, were they placed there from a source outside ourselves, something we have no control over? Or did we put those obstacles there ourselves? And deception -- is it self-deception, or is someone lying to us? There's lots to ponder here.

Your Ex ~ Signs They Are Over You

With February's energy and Valentine's Day euphoria still lingering, I've been pouring over relationship posts in the land of Google.  There were some doozys about boyfriends and husbands sending their ex-wives Valentine's Day gifts, or making secret Valentine's Day phone calls, and the reaction from most relationship experts was pretty predictable for this scenario.  Basically, it was:  "What the the hell are you doing?"  Needless to say, the reactions of the new girlfriends or wives over this newly exposed revelation was pretty expected.  They were devastated.

Throughout most of these articles, one thing became really clear:  a boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, or a husband's ex-wife, is not going to go away UNTIL THEY TELL THEM TO.  And if a boyfriend or husband is shielding and protecting inappropriate or compromising communication with their ex, keeping it a secret from their present partner or wife, there can only be disaster ahead.  Nothing in this modern world of technology is going to stay secret forever, and when the secret is out, it will hit the fan.  If boyfriends and husbands are happy with their new partners, they better appreciate what they have and put all their effort and energy into protecting what they have... or they might lose it.

On to the article I chose for today.  Let's look at it from a new perspective, through the eyes of The Ex.  How do you know when you're beating a dead horse?  Read the article below for some insights.

Breaking up with someone that you care about is a really tough thing to do. Your entire world can completely change in a matter of moments and you might find yourself not knowing exactly how to move on from your ex.  If you have not really talked to him since the breakup, or if things ended messily, then you might be wondering if he still has some feelings for you. Is there any chance of the two of you resolving your issues and getting back together?

The most obvious way to find out the answer to your questions is by having a talk with him about how he feels and if he still feels anything for you at all.  In order to move on from a breakup, one of the best things you can have is closure. Without getting any closure, it can be very hard for you to move on with your life.

You might not be ready to see the signs that your ex could be over you, or maybe you just don't know how to read them. Below, you'll find signs that let you know your ex-partner has moved on, and it's time for you to move on too.

SIGNS YOUR EX IS OVER YOU

THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE

Many times, when an ex cannot get over you, they will avoid entering the dating pool for a while because nobody compares to you in their head. This happens when they are not ready to let go of you.

Maybe they will go on first dates, and their friends will try to set up your ex with someone so they can get over you. But if you are still on his mind, then he might not take any of those possibilities further because he is still thinking about you.

On the other hand, if your ex really is seeing someone else, then he is probably over you, or at the very least, he wants to give off that impression.  The act of seeing someone new can be anything from going on dates and having casual flings to settling into a serious relationship. Maybe he's even joined a dating website.

Any of those actions point to him trying to move on. If he is putting himself out there, and he has been back on the market since the two of you broke up, then he is clearly ready to move on from the relationship that the two of you had.

HE IS NOT NICE TO YOU

If he still has feelings for you, then your ex might still treat you differently than he would treat any other girl. He might go out of his way to be nice to you and he might still even flirt with you intentionally or unintentionally.

But if your ex does not try to be nice to you outside of what would be considered normal behavior, then it is highly likely he is over you. He probably now sees you as just another person, and not as the special person that used to be so close to him on an intimate level.

If your ex is over you then at best he will be civil towards you. In the worst case scenario, he will be kind of mean to you and he will not have the same patience for you that he did during your relationship.

Being around you might even irritate him. Now that you are no longer together, the rose-colored glasses have come off and you just no longer hold the same importance to your ex that you used to have. This, of course, would mean that your ex is over you.

He might not even be acting this way on purpose. Love can do crazy thing to us. It can even make us overlook every little thing that would normally bother us about a person.

Since you and your ex are not an item anymore, all of those qualities of yours probably stick out to him now, and they might even annoy him. If you were hoping that he might still have feelings for you, those chances are probably long gone.

HE ASKED YOU TO RETURN HIS THINGS

Sometimes if an ex is not completely over you, they will choose to not come back for all their things so that they have an excuse to get them from you at another time as opposed to collecting all of their belongings from you right after the breakup.

Doing so will give your ex an excuse and a chance to have to see you again. But if everything is in order and he already took all of his things back, or if he does not want his things back, then he is over you.

Basically, if he wants to forget about you or if he is over you, he will not leave your business unfinished. So if everything has been returned to their rightful owners and he has moved out of the place you shared, you can be sure that he has moved on.

HE RETURNED YOUR THINGS

People can easily get very sentimental especially about possessions when it comes to their romantic partners. This is why some of us end up holding onto things from our exes.

Even if the relationship is long over, sometimes people will hold onto a gift or a possession of their exes to just serve as a reminder of the relationship. For some people, these belongings or possessions that they have chosen to keep might even be like a souvenir or trophy to them.

If your ex gave all of your things back to you right away, then that is his way of showing you that he is serious about moving on. This is especially applicable if he gave back the things you gifted him as well.

Doing so essentially means he no longer wants anything to do with you and that he is trying to start over with a clean slate. In other words, he is over you.

HE DOES NOT CARE IF YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE

Strangely enough, we can get incredibly jealous of the people our exes date. It can be because you miss your ex or because the person they are now seeing makes you feel insecure about yourself.

One might even find themselves feeling territorial in this type of situation. If you are dating someone and your ex knows about it and does not seem to care, then he is over you.

Your ex might be completely indifferent to this new development in your life or he might even be happy for you that you have been able to move on from your previous relationship.

Either way, if you are seeing someone new and he does not seem bothered by it, it can mean that the two of you are working to keep your relationship in the past.

HE SEEMS HAPPY WITH HIS LIFE

Does your ex appear to be genuinely happy with his life? If this is the case, then it can mean that nothing is missing from his life, including you.

If he was missing you and what you used to have together, then he might express some dissatisfaction or regret that would hint at him not fully enjoying his life right now. You would see this on social media or he might even communicate to you or someone that you know that he is not happy.

But if you are seeing or hearing that he is truly happy with his life, try to be happy for him. He might be over you, but look at it as a chance for you to find your own happiness somewhere else. You do not need him in order to have a happy life.

HE IS NOT TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT HE IS HAPPY

A sign that your ex actually is happy with his life is that he does not feel the need to go out of his way to tell you that he is happy.

Someone who is not really happy would go out of their way to try to convince people otherwise. They might even excessively brag about how great things are in their life.

If your ex really is happy with his life, then he will not feel the need to prove that to you or anyone else. If he seems happy and is not going out of his way to show that to people, then he is over you.

HE DID NOT CHOOSE YOU

If there was someone else and he ultimately chose that other person over you, then you have a definite sign that you were not his first pick.

There may have been more than one time where he had a chance to choose you and he never did. That action says a lot about how he feels.

Maybe you were hoping he would come to his senses and come back running to you. But if he did not pick you, then it almost definitely means that he is over you. Otherwise, he would not have risked losing you forever by not choosing you.

HE UNFRIENDED AND UNFOLLOWED YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA

As a couple, you were probably all over each other’s social media accounts. While some exes will remain connected on social media, others will completely disconnect from each other.

If he has unfriended and unfollowed your social media accounts, then that means he does not want you in his life because he is trying to move on.

For many exes, staying connected on social media is unhealthy and can leave the door open to communication. This could be why he no longer follows your accounts.

Try to not take it personally. Many exes unfollow one another on social media so that they can move on from each other.

HE DOES NOT FLAUNT HIS HAPPINESS 

If your ex was not yet over you, then he might be trying to make you jealous by showing off his new girlfriend all over social media. He would be bragging about his new lady.

But if he is happy and is over you, then he has no reason to try and make you feel jealous. If your ex is just living his life and not flaunting his new life without you, then he is probably over you.

HE HAS STOPPED CONTACTING YOU

You were once used to him reaching out to you all the time when you were in a relationship, but you are no longer together anymore. The next thing you know, you never hear from him anymore.

While it is completely normal for people to stop talking once the relationship ends, some people still stay in touch because they choose to stay friends or sometimes because they are not yet over each other.

If your ex has ceased to contact you, then he is over you. If you have not already deleted his number, then do it. The only reason to have his number is if you have children together. You deserve to move on as well.

HE TOLD YOU HIS FEELINGS ARE GONE

If your ex told you that his feelings for you are gone, then you should choose to believe him. Why would he lie to you about such a thing?

Try to accept that it is for the best and do your best to find happiness somewhere else as you go forward with your life. You cannot control how he feels about you and there is nothing you can do about that.

What you can do is appreciate the past you had together for what it was, and cherish the good memories. But let that stay in the past. The longer you go without your ex, the closer you will be towards ridding yourself of your romantic feelings for him.

HE MOVED

Moving on does not always have to be symbolic, sometimes it can literally happen. If your ex has moved away from you, then he is most likely moving on with his life.

While it is not always necessarily true, when someone stays and lives close to you, then they might not be ready to move on. Or you might at least get that impression because that person is still around.

If your ex moves away, then chances are that you will probably never see him again. There would be no more running into each other at the grocery store or realizing that a mutual friend invited you to the same party.

Him moving away can be a healthy way to give both of you the closure that you need, and it indicates that he is ready to begin a new chapter by himself and not with you.

HE DOES NOT FLIRT WHEN YOU TALK

Even if you are no longer together with him, you might still be put into situations where you have to see him and talk to him. This can occur if you work at the same place or if you have mutual friends.

When you do talk, you are going to be friendly with each other unless things ended badly. So how do you know if he is flirting or not?

Since you have been with him, you probably know how he flirts. But there are some very obvious signs of flirting as well.

Is he complimenting your looks or finding excuses to be around you? Does he find excuses to touch you as you talk, such as putting his arm around you or resting his hand on your shoulder?

These actions could all mean that he is flirting with you. But if he keeps things very professional when he talks to you, then he is over you.


HIS NEW LADY IS NOTHING LIKE YOU

Sometimes, when we are not over our exes, we consciously or subconsciously find someone new who reminds us of that person that we are no longer with.

This can mean that the new person physically looks like the ex and has the same hair color, eye color, or overall physical appearance.

Or it can mean that this person has the same profession or interests as the ex. Ask yourself this: is his new lady just another version of me?

If the answer is yes it can mean that he is not over you, or it can mean that he just has a very specific type that he is attracted to.

However, if this woman is nothing like you, then that is a clear sign that your ex is over you. After all, he has chosen someone completely different from you.

WHEN YOU RUN INTO EACH OTHER, HE DOES NOT BRING UP THE PAST

If you run in the same circles or go to the same school or work at the same office, then you are bound to run into your ex from time to time. You might even talk to each other when this happens.

Whatever you talk about with your ex, it should never be about the past if either of you is trying to move on. And if he never brings up the past with you, then that is another sign that he is probably over you.

HE DOES NOT RUSH TO RESPOND TO YOU WHEN YOU REACH OUT TO HIM

When you and your ex were both together, then you were at the top of his priorities. He probably used to respond to your text messages and phone calls as soon as he possibly could because you were important to him.

Now that you are broken up, does your ex rush to respond to your messages and calls with the same urgency that he had before? If not, then it means that you are not a priority to him anymore.

It is perfectly normal to not respond to your ex when they reach out to you, or to not be in a rush to respond if you choose to do it. You are not a big part of each other’s lives anymore.

If your ex is not responding to you when you reach out to him, then take the hint that he is over you and the relationship that you once had. Use that as yet another reason to move on.

HE HAS TOLD YOU TO MOVE ON

There is no clearer sign that your ex is over you than this one. And that sign is that he has told you to move on.

If your ex has told you to move on, then you have probably dropped hints that you are not over him. At this point, he is desperate to move on with his life without you being there to pine after him.

You might have your reasons for wanting to hold on to hope that you will get back together, but if he wants you to move on, then he does not share your feelings.

The best thing that you can do in this situation is to accept that your ex is over you. In this case, your time is wasted hoping he will change his mind.

Do the best that you can to put your energy to better use and put your history with him where it belongs, in the past.

CONCLUSION

To sum things up, there's a number of signs that will tell you if your ex is over you. Use your judgment to figure out if he might still have feelings for you or if he has completely moved on.

And remember that if you can, you should just ask him so you can get an honest answer. The biggest sign that your ex is over you is if he tells you that he is.

Source:

This article, Signs Your Ex is Over You, is not my work, and I lost the link to the original article when my computer unexpectedly rebooted.  I'll keep an eye out for this link, and when or if I find it, I'll post it here.

Also note, this article is posted completely unedited.  I more often than not wind up editing many of these articles because the original authors, as competent as they may be on the subject matter, don't always have the best editing skills.  

Daily Tarot Cards ~ SO INTENSE!

The 4 cards that I pulled today for the FB tarot page were SO INTENSE!! Before I pulled each card today, I asked my Spirit Guides to show me something I needed to know, to guide me to say what needed to be said, to guide me to the people who needed to hear these messages. I hope you got it.

https://www.facebook.com/pg/readingswithamythystraine/posts/?ref=page_internal

Advice for Those With Divorce Regret

I think there are a lot of men and women out there who have divorce regret. The vast majority don't admit it, to themselves or to anyone else, but I feel for people who have regret. They wish they could turn back time. They say things like, “I wish I would have tried harder” “I wish I would have appreciated him/her more” “I didn’t know how great I had it” “I was so stupid” “I thought he/she was the problem, but really it was me” and this guy, whose comment on Divorced Girl Smiling honestly made me want to cry. “I’ve Broken My Own Heart” he writes: 

Hello everyone. I’m one of those sorry SOBs that cheated on his wife of 20+yrs and two kids, with her “best friend”, married the best friend the day after my divorce was final and have regretted it every single second of my life ever since. Yep, you get what you deserve in this life. I’d give anything to go back in time, knowing what I know now, and love my 1st wife like she’s never been loved, honored, appreciated, respected, or admired in her life. But, I can’t. I’ve screwed up beyond words. I had the best life anyone could have asked for. But, I was bored with it all. People kept telling me how blessed I was, but I couldn’t see it. I was blinded by selfishness. So, I threw it all away for someone that I thought was my “soul mate”. Oh, how I was wrong. So wrong. 5 years later, I still can’t ignore the overwhelming guilt and shame of what I did. Only for a couple of minutes a day does the memory of my 1st wife, kids, and family leave my mind. She was my soul mate and truly my true love. But I threw her away. I can’t put into words how I’ve broken my own heart, but I know it pales in comparison to how I broke my soul mate’s heart. I’m so sorry sweetness. If you ever read this, I’m so sorry.

What would I like to say to this guy? First, reading this broke my heart and I don’t even know you! Oh, how I want to hug this guy and tell him that after five years, he really needs to start forgiving himself and accepting what is, and stop being trapped in the frustration of not being able to change the past. 

Here are some things that might be going on with him. The reason I say “might” is because I am not a therapist and I know nothing about his situation other than what he wrote. He was unhappy and “bored” in his first marriage, so he cheated and thought he found happiness with someone else, only to realize shortly after that he wasn’t happy with her either. So, why is he unhappy? Does he have childhood issues that haven’t been resolved that is causing the unhappiness? Is he unhappy with himself, his professional life, life in general? Is something missing? Because I feel like now, twice, he feels like the grass is greener. What gives? Unless the second wife is a complete nightmare, there is something deeper going on, because why else is he again wanting what he doesn’t have? 

There is also a component of self-hatred here. Why is he still punishing himself after 5 years? He talks about guilt and shame. He needs to find a way to forgive himself. Maybe that means therapy, maybe it means telling his first wife and kids how genuinely sorry he is for what he did, maybe he needs marriage counseling with his second wife. 

Whatever it is that he needs, he needs to take some action, so that his present life starts working for him. Otherwise, he will remain in this state of divorce regret, self-loathing, hopelessness, dissatisfaction, and unhappiness. 

He should reflect on his mistakes in a productive way, not in a way in which he beats himself up.  

Here is some advice for anyone with divorce regret. I feel like regret, any regret, is a huge waste of time. It is a non-productive emotion. No one can turn back time and reverse a decision, an action, something you said. So what is the point of being mad at yourself for making a bad choice? You can’t take it back. All you can do is work on yourself so that your decisions are better in the future.

[Source:  Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of her novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationship column, Love Essentially, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Pilossoph lives with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.]

Read the complete article here: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/advice-for-those-with-divorce-regret_b_59135ff4e4b0e3bb894d5cf3