Memoir: Wrinkles of the Day



Wednesday, December 29, 1993

I glory in things of the sea, although I’ve never seen the ocean-- beautiful shells and fossilized creatures; the sound of waves crashing against hard earth; the luminescence of foam on the crest of waves; and cold salty spray in the air…I am so lonely for the sea, and then I think…How can I be lonesome for something I have never seen?

Maybe it is a primal feeling-- all life having originated from the ocean. It is a desire to go back to one’s roots.

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Vanity is a heavy burden. How wonderful and liberating to be rid of it. I wished I would have shed mine years sooner. Those very young, very beautiful women-- what a heavy yoke they must carry, their vanity.

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The other day I was very tired from not being able to sleep at night, and I thought desperately and crossly-- I wish I could go to bed and stay there until tomorrow because this is going to be such an awful day.

But then something unexpected happened-- the day rolled out before me, all the wrinkles smoothing out. And it turned out to be a wonderful day. Beth was delightful, John was calm, Anne was quiet. I reveled in my children, in my writing, even in the house.

At night I thought-- what a precious thing this day was, how tragic it would have been if I had not found it, appreciated it, lived it peacefully.

I shall never have this day again.

Memoir: Thursday, January 17, 1991

He (John) is absolutely irresistible now. It’s hard, sometimes, to put him down and go do something I should be doing. He loves to be played with and smiles and coos, “talks” back to you and giggles out loud. He also growls like a little bear-- very low and sometimes loud. It’s a funny, masculine sound.

Anne runs and “hides” in her “cave” behind the rocking chair when I get ready to change her clothes now. I try to be patient. It's a great game to her and she laughs and squeals-- although she really doesn’t want her clothes changed!

John is fat and rosy and big. He has wide blue-gray eyes and smells vaguely of baby powder and milk. Anne is getting very tall and slender and plays “pretend” so sweetly, talking to imaginary people who almost seem real, wanting “lipstick” on sometimes and becoming jealous if Duane gives me a hug, squeezing herself in-between us, becoming embarrassed and excited when he dances me around the floor. She squeals and gets very loud.

Memoir: Diary-- Monday, November 18, 1991

At a stop light today:  I watched behind me-- a man in a business suit, framed in my rear-view mirror.  He was chewing gum and would pull it out from his mouth, a long white strand, then chomp-chomp on the strand until the last of it disappeared inside his mouth.  He did this over and over, until the light turned green.

It was so inconsistent-- the business suit and the gum.  I felt like a voyeur.  I was given a glimpse of the little boy inside the man inside the suit.

Facebook: Hide n' Seek

The latest FB oddity, and social networks are odd enough to begin with, is that you can request your friends to click on your profile picture and make any comments you leave on their page invisible to the rest of the world.

I had to think on this one...First, if you're going to leave comments that are included in public discussions and posts on someone else's page, why not let everyone see them?  Second, why make someone else responsible for the privacy of your comments that you are leaving on their public page?  And what if, just what if, your friends don't want to click on your public profile picture and follow through with this request?  What are you going to do then, huh?...refuse to post on their wall?  unfriend them?

And why would anyone make such a request in the first place?  Quite frankly, it makes you look sneaky.

You have to suspect that this request comes from someone who may want to leave snarky bitchy comments, and they want to wallow in their witty sarcasms with the safe and secure knowledge that their target is unaware of their actions.

Look at it this way-- if you really have something private to say to someone, you can send them a private message-- that's what this is for...hello?  Otherwise, stay the fuck off their public page.

The Innkeeper: A Coin for thy Thoughts

I'm the proverbial "Innkeeper". I'm the wench with the wild hair who takes a gold coin from dusty travelers on sweaty horses so they can spend the night on a straw matt at the back of the tavern. (At least this is one way to look at it.)

#1...I need four, at least *4*, basic pieces of information to create a reservation or check you in:  your name, your street address, your zip code, and your telephone number. (I also need your credit card, but that's another issue, another page on the computer.)  Telling me, "I've stayed here before, you should have this information", is not one of these four pieces of necessities which I need.  You are not as memorable as you seem to think you are, and arguing with me over the fact that I should remember you takes much longer than just giving me the requested information, as would diving into the bowels of the computer to retrieve this data. I've probably checked in hundreds of people since your last visit, and my brain is not wasting its limited space and functionality on automatic recall of information that is not pertinent to my life. 

#2...Don't get angry at me when your credit card is declined-- I haven't been using it.  It's not my fault that you are low on funds.  I also cannot give you a room until you either a) give me another credit card to an account that carries enough money to pay for your purchase, or b) give me cash.  I'm selling hotel rooms, if you don't pay for one, you don't get one.

#3...Male guests:  Female employees of a hotel are hired to check you into the hotel, to make your reservation, and to make sure you're comfortable and the hotel is secure.  Female employees of a hotel are not hired to be your verbal punching bag.  Although it's not emphasized publicly, in most hotels, mine included, female employees will be justified in telling you to take a hike if you become abusive and obnoxious.

I had a gentleman come in the other night, give me his name, and stand there smiling expectantly. I say, "Yes? Do you have a reservation?" He says, "No", still smiling. I say, "You need a room?" He says, "Well, L. (former employee) usually just has it ready for me." -- You Have Got To Be Kidding.  I say, with a sweet smile on my face, "Well, I'm not L."  (I'm actually thinking: fucktard.)  He seemed a little let down when we had to go through the usual process.

Four words a hotel desk clerk dreads most:  "We need a plunger."

Just a note:  For most people, stamping your feet and throwing a hissy fit to get what you wanted when you were a kid didn't work. It still doesn't.  And for that special few who managed to pull this crap off successfully then...that was then, this is now.



Divorce in the 21st Century

From personal experience (divorced more than once), I can tell you that the woman is most often labeled as the villain in this scenario, no matter what the circumstances of the break-up happen to be.  If the husband is having an affair, it's usually justified by popular speculation that the wife is neglecting him.

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People are really thrown for a loop when there is a divorce without the customary affair, cheating, histrionics, and usual drama.  It almost makes them angry, maybe because they aren't able to neatly categorize the situation in their mind.

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Couples are friends with other couples.  Once a 'Couple' is separated and becomes singular, they no longer fit the criteria of what's acceptable for friendship within the world of Pairs.  Apparently it causes some sort of disruption in the social aspect of things.  I'm not sure.  But if a friendship is maintained between a 'Couple' and a 'Non-Couple', it usually only entails one party, and this is usually the man...this has been my experience over the course of four divorces.  I'm not sure why this is so, still working on this one.  Maybe trying to emotionally compartmentalize how both non-couple people could fit into the scenario is just too difficult or confusing.  As I said, I haven't figured this one out yet.

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An odd observation:  Single women seem to be viewed as more of a threat than single men.

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Women who are in the midst of a divorce are often viewed as evil-- remember, I have plenty of experience here.  I've wondered why this is and have come to the conclusion that it's probably because women who decide to take charge of their own lives (i.e. Strong Women) are stereotypically viewed as some sort of a threat in our society.  (Egads, the Little Woman is making her own money, taking care of her own space, and making her own independent decisions...what will she be doing next?!)

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In the face of a divorce, men will gather their bank accounts and material wealth tightly about them like an old mother hen carefully tucking her chicks safely beneath her ample feathered butt.  As quaint as this may sound, it's not very sanitary, and there are a surprising number of women who won't go there...me among them.

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Once in a while, in the midst of a divorce, friends and family may be called upon for an 'Intervention'.  This is usually instigated by one member of the Former Couple, the one who doesn't want the divorce.  It's amazing how many people can be sucked into this sort of thing without having all the facts, without being aware of the private dynamics of the relationship, and without taking into account the various reasons the divorce has been instigated in the first place.  They come racing in like movie heroes on galloping white horses, coming to what they think of as The Rescue, totally oblivious to the fact that the curtain has descended, the movie is over.  The End.

Quite frankly, marriage is a private personal contract between two people and the breaking of this contract is also a private personal decision.

Life's "Aha" Moments...with frequent updates

Sometimes it's a frickin' relief not to be in love.  It frees the mind and allows you to go places (figuratively) that you wouldn't be focused enough to concentrate on if you were in the throes of a relationship and all the 'stuff' that goes along with it, good and bad.  Just saying.  I have experienced this myself and have watched various friends who are consumed with relationships, it dominates the landscape, leaving little time or energy for anything else.  Maybe not everyone is so intense about it, and it's just us super-sensitive folks who are thrown for a loop by all the different energies.