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Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Saturday, October 16, 2021
Monday, September 30, 2019
My Ex-Wife & New Wife Don't Get Along
Question:
I am a 41-year-old man who has been married to my second wife for two months. I have been divorced for over two years from my first wife and am having problems with my new wife. She thinks I am not making her the priority in my life. She feels run over when it comes to my first wife, especially when dealing with my two children from my first marriage. I have a 12-year-old girl and 8-year-old boy.
My first wife can be very manipulative. Knowing that has caused some strife, but nothing we both weren't aware of before we got married.
My wife is mother of two, and our children mix well together. I guess I try to avoid conflict with the ex, which probably doesn't help with my new wife. I just want all parties to get along as best we can, but that seems not likely anytime soon. My wife has been divorced for over seven years and her son lives with his father five hours away. My ex lives five minutes away, and so we deal with my ex on a daily basis because of my kids. Any advice is welcome.
— Husband in the Middle
After only two months, you admit you both knew the issues “before we got married.” Did you think marriage would change things? Your problem is exactly what you sheepishly admit: “I guess I try to avoid conflict with the ex, which probably doesn't help with my new wife.” Dude, when a woman marries a man, she expects that he’ll protect her. If she “feels run over” by wife number one, she’ll feel run over by a lackluster you. Here’s what to do:
Dear Husband,
After only two months, you admit you both knew the issues “before we got married.” Did you think marriage would change things? Your problem is exactly what you sheepishly admit: “I guess I try to avoid conflict with the ex, which probably doesn't help with my new wife.” Dude, when a woman marries a man, she expects that he’ll protect her. If she “feels run over” by wife number one, she’ll feel run over by a lackluster you. Here’s what to do:
1) You’re not in Switzerland, so stop your “peace at any price” fantasy.
2) Start taking an obvious stand on your new wife’s side.
3) Refuse your exwife’s manipulations.
Unless you alter the behaviors that remain from your first marriage, you’ll just be repeating the same steps in a different ballroom.
— Dr. Gilda
Source
Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”—Second Edition. She provides advice and coaching via Skype, email and phone.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Ashes to the Wind
I usually try to keep this blog and my "Other Blog" separate, saving this space for the more mundane conventional everyday aspects of life. However, once in a while there's something about the magickal world that is actually fitting for both worlds. And this is one of those days.
Today is Wednesday, and this is my post, both at my Other Blog and at FB: The Witch's Corner:
Wednesday-- Mercury-- Air...communication. I'm going to write a letter today to someone that I haven't seen or spoken to for a very long time. And if it's someone whom, for whatever reason, I can't send the letter to, then I will burn it in the flame of a yellow candle and scatter the ashes to the wind...knowing they will get the message.
Dear Mom,
It's a beautiful morning here, a little crisp, but it will be warmer this afternoon. We had a couple days of crazy weather, into the 80s, which you know just isn't right for this area this time of year. It was sort of discombobulating-- to go shopping one day with the heater running, and the next day it was the air-conditioner.
The kids have grown SO MUCH since you last saw them (about 10 years ago):
Anne (27) is a married lady now. She is an artist at heart, and this was her major in college. She has a BA in Studio Art. I don't know if you've kept up with anything on the internet, but her Apple Heart sculpture is the cover art for my new book. I love the idea that this project is entwined with both of us, it makes it extra special, and I'm very proud of her. Her husband is also a "Joe", so it can get kind of confusing; we usually differentiate between "Anne's Joe" and "My Joe". He's 12 years older than Anne (I know what you're thinking-- Norman was 14 years older than Bonny, I thought about that too), and he's diabetic, so they have lots on their plate to deal with at times. He is the sweetest man you'd ever want to meet, he loves Anne dearly, and he is so good to her. He is a wonderful son-in-law, and I'm very happy for them. They have a lovely apartment filled with Anne's art, Buddhas, plants, paintings, crystals, etc.-- it's very Zen. Anne is the manager at a local shop here in town (a franchised business), so she has weekly conference calls, regional meetings, and all that kind of stuff. It's a good job; she's doing very well.
John (25) is still a bachelor. He has an amazing apartment here in town. He was on a waiting list for a year before there was an opening. I'll have to post some photos of his apartment some time. You'd love this place, and so would Bill, especially with all the books (a virtual library!) and other really cool avant-garde stuff. John graduated from High School early (as did Anne), and he had an Associates Degree in Computer Science by the time he was 19. He enrolled at UNO and was going to go further with this, but he didn't like campus life and the rush of it all-- remember, he's not a people person, very introverted, and quiet, and studious. He works at a Shopko Distribution Center in Omaha and commutes. He loves this job and has been tapped for managerial training. No girlfriends as of yet, and maybe there never will be. He does not suffer fools, and he'd have to come across a girl that was an intellectual equal before anything would come of it. He's a no nonsense kind of guy. His companion is a beautiful gray tabby-cat named "Heinrich".
Beth (21) just moved to Omaha last fall with her boyfriend, Dustin. (You can look two blog posts back and see photos I took at their apartment just last weekend.) Beth just started a New Job this week, and we're very excited and happy for her-- at JC Pennys, in a beautiful Omaha Mall. She's thrilled. Dustin is tackling the monumental job of college and work, and together they seem to be carving out a wonderful life for themselves. He's studying neurobiology (I think), I'll have to ask again just to be sure. I looked at his textbooks when we were over there, and all I can say is that it's waaaay over my head. They seem to love living in the city, and I have to admit that it's fun having a spot over there to call "home" (in a round-a-bout way). I did an over-night stay with them a few weeks ago, and I told Beth that it reminded me a lot of staying with you in Loveland. Beth's tastes and house-keeping skills are very similar to yours-- I had a cozy guest bed, and jammies laid out for me, and supper made for me, and treats, and movies. I actually felt spoiled.
The "babies" left at home...
Laura (19) works at a local eatery here in town, and she still lives at home. She has grown into a very independent thinking young woman, tall and statuesque. I think she's ready to move on to another job, but she's hesitant to give this one up too fast. Jobs are few and far between right here in town, and I don't think that she really wants to commute to the city-- that's lots of wear and tear on your car, and then there's gas (and gas prices) to think about, and winter driving can be pretty rugged, making it hard to get where you need to be sometimes. I keep telling her to put in an application at JC Pennys here in town, she's so into fashion and all that, I think she'd love retail connected to clothing.
Sara (17) wants to be a mortician, and she actually got to take a pretty close look into this adventure. She's really young, though, so I don't know if she'll want to be something else a year from now, but this is where she's at today, and what she's actually thought about for quite some time. As quiet and introverted as she is, I can see her in this industry working "behind the scenes", not so much with the families. She's pretty gritty; I not only think she could do it, I think she'd like it.
Emma (14) is still "The Baby" in a strange, not-s0-babyish way anymore (she got surprisingly tall). She's a lovely young lady who doesn't really know what she wants to do yet, and is enjoying the stage of life she's in. She adores her big sisters, and they all coddle her. She's very quiet, or you think she is, until she opens her mouth and something totally unexpected and funny comes out.
What else...I have no idea if you've followed my blogs or websites, so just a quick fill-in: All those years of writing and writing and writing in notebooks and sticking stuff in drawers finally paid off. My fourth book comes out this April. I've done some radio, which I love, and you can find the podcasts and links at my sites. We've had some amazing opportunities and experiences over the past year, but I can't tell you about that here-- we'd have to have a more private conversation. Since I saw you last, Myron and I got divorced, and I'm remarried. His name is Joe and he's Japanese, more-or-less, until you remember that he has an Irish mother. We are still in the Same Old House here in Fremont, though we have our eye on California (this is where Joe is originally from-- San Diego), but I told him that I have too big a love affair with Trees to live in the desert, and we'd have to live much farther north. It's a goal.
I saw photos of you and Bill last Mother's Day, when Susan took you on a swamp adventure. You've aged over the years (as we all have), but you still look like you (which is a good thing; it wouldn't be right if you looked like someone else!). I wonder about your health, and the type of house you're living in now, and if you miss Colorado, because I know how much you hated the heat and humidity Down South. Do you still drive? What kinds of book stores and shops are you haunting these days? Do you have any pets now?
We all still fondly remember visiting your pretty little house in Loveland and having Morning Coffee...it was more like a ritual, with the candles all lit, and maybe an hour (sometimes more) spent sitting together around the table in conversation. The kids all have good memories, and I do too, and I just wanted you to know this.
Love,
Amythyst
Today is Wednesday, and this is my post, both at my Other Blog and at FB: The Witch's Corner:
Wednesday-- Mercury-- Air...communication. I'm going to write a letter today to someone that I haven't seen or spoken to for a very long time. And if it's someone whom, for whatever reason, I can't send the letter to, then I will burn it in the flame of a yellow candle and scatter the ashes to the wind...knowing they will get the message.
Dear Mom,
It's a beautiful morning here, a little crisp, but it will be warmer this afternoon. We had a couple days of crazy weather, into the 80s, which you know just isn't right for this area this time of year. It was sort of discombobulating-- to go shopping one day with the heater running, and the next day it was the air-conditioner.
The kids have grown SO MUCH since you last saw them (about 10 years ago):
Anne (27) is a married lady now. She is an artist at heart, and this was her major in college. She has a BA in Studio Art. I don't know if you've kept up with anything on the internet, but her Apple Heart sculpture is the cover art for my new book. I love the idea that this project is entwined with both of us, it makes it extra special, and I'm very proud of her. Her husband is also a "Joe", so it can get kind of confusing; we usually differentiate between "Anne's Joe" and "My Joe". He's 12 years older than Anne (I know what you're thinking-- Norman was 14 years older than Bonny, I thought about that too), and he's diabetic, so they have lots on their plate to deal with at times. He is the sweetest man you'd ever want to meet, he loves Anne dearly, and he is so good to her. He is a wonderful son-in-law, and I'm very happy for them. They have a lovely apartment filled with Anne's art, Buddhas, plants, paintings, crystals, etc.-- it's very Zen. Anne is the manager at a local shop here in town (a franchised business), so she has weekly conference calls, regional meetings, and all that kind of stuff. It's a good job; she's doing very well.
John (25) is still a bachelor. He has an amazing apartment here in town. He was on a waiting list for a year before there was an opening. I'll have to post some photos of his apartment some time. You'd love this place, and so would Bill, especially with all the books (a virtual library!) and other really cool avant-garde stuff. John graduated from High School early (as did Anne), and he had an Associates Degree in Computer Science by the time he was 19. He enrolled at UNO and was going to go further with this, but he didn't like campus life and the rush of it all-- remember, he's not a people person, very introverted, and quiet, and studious. He works at a Shopko Distribution Center in Omaha and commutes. He loves this job and has been tapped for managerial training. No girlfriends as of yet, and maybe there never will be. He does not suffer fools, and he'd have to come across a girl that was an intellectual equal before anything would come of it. He's a no nonsense kind of guy. His companion is a beautiful gray tabby-cat named "Heinrich".
Beth (21) just moved to Omaha last fall with her boyfriend, Dustin. (You can look two blog posts back and see photos I took at their apartment just last weekend.) Beth just started a New Job this week, and we're very excited and happy for her-- at JC Pennys, in a beautiful Omaha Mall. She's thrilled. Dustin is tackling the monumental job of college and work, and together they seem to be carving out a wonderful life for themselves. He's studying neurobiology (I think), I'll have to ask again just to be sure. I looked at his textbooks when we were over there, and all I can say is that it's waaaay over my head. They seem to love living in the city, and I have to admit that it's fun having a spot over there to call "home" (in a round-a-bout way). I did an over-night stay with them a few weeks ago, and I told Beth that it reminded me a lot of staying with you in Loveland. Beth's tastes and house-keeping skills are very similar to yours-- I had a cozy guest bed, and jammies laid out for me, and supper made for me, and treats, and movies. I actually felt spoiled.
The "babies" left at home...
Laura (19) works at a local eatery here in town, and she still lives at home. She has grown into a very independent thinking young woman, tall and statuesque. I think she's ready to move on to another job, but she's hesitant to give this one up too fast. Jobs are few and far between right here in town, and I don't think that she really wants to commute to the city-- that's lots of wear and tear on your car, and then there's gas (and gas prices) to think about, and winter driving can be pretty rugged, making it hard to get where you need to be sometimes. I keep telling her to put in an application at JC Pennys here in town, she's so into fashion and all that, I think she'd love retail connected to clothing.
Sara (17) wants to be a mortician, and she actually got to take a pretty close look into this adventure. She's really young, though, so I don't know if she'll want to be something else a year from now, but this is where she's at today, and what she's actually thought about for quite some time. As quiet and introverted as she is, I can see her in this industry working "behind the scenes", not so much with the families. She's pretty gritty; I not only think she could do it, I think she'd like it.
Emma (14) is still "The Baby" in a strange, not-s0-babyish way anymore (she got surprisingly tall). She's a lovely young lady who doesn't really know what she wants to do yet, and is enjoying the stage of life she's in. She adores her big sisters, and they all coddle her. She's very quiet, or you think she is, until she opens her mouth and something totally unexpected and funny comes out.
What else...I have no idea if you've followed my blogs or websites, so just a quick fill-in: All those years of writing and writing and writing in notebooks and sticking stuff in drawers finally paid off. My fourth book comes out this April. I've done some radio, which I love, and you can find the podcasts and links at my sites. We've had some amazing opportunities and experiences over the past year, but I can't tell you about that here-- we'd have to have a more private conversation. Since I saw you last, Myron and I got divorced, and I'm remarried. His name is Joe and he's Japanese, more-or-less, until you remember that he has an Irish mother. We are still in the Same Old House here in Fremont, though we have our eye on California (this is where Joe is originally from-- San Diego), but I told him that I have too big a love affair with Trees to live in the desert, and we'd have to live much farther north. It's a goal.
I saw photos of you and Bill last Mother's Day, when Susan took you on a swamp adventure. You've aged over the years (as we all have), but you still look like you (which is a good thing; it wouldn't be right if you looked like someone else!). I wonder about your health, and the type of house you're living in now, and if you miss Colorado, because I know how much you hated the heat and humidity Down South. Do you still drive? What kinds of book stores and shops are you haunting these days? Do you have any pets now?
We all still fondly remember visiting your pretty little house in Loveland and having Morning Coffee...it was more like a ritual, with the candles all lit, and maybe an hour (sometimes more) spent sitting together around the table in conversation. The kids all have good memories, and I do too, and I just wanted you to know this.
Love,
Amythyst
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Hey
I belong to the Old-Married-Lady Club. In spite of this fact, which I very prominently display on all and every internet site that might include interaction with strangers, I will receive messages from men who have apparently not bothered to read one iota of information about me, including the fact that I am not single, and I'm not available-- just ask my husband.
Anyway, as an old-married-lady I feel I can give bachelors (young and not so young) a fair word of worldly advice about communicating with women. One very strange phenomena that I've noticed on a world-wide global level among men is a penchant for sending one-word messages to Females Who Catch Their Eye. And that message is:
That's it, just "Hey". No "Hello, you look so lovely, I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time to discuss poetry; books; the state of modern romance and courting; favorite movies; hobbies and past times; journey's; bucket lists; animals; families; children...etc."
Nope, nothing like that. Just:
There is also no attempt to uncover any details about the Object of their message; and they apparently are not going to take the time to actually Read any of the information about this individual; but you'd think that they'd want to get to know the woman that they're contacting. You would think they'd realize this is a multi-dimensional human being with lots of layers to them, not just a still image on a computer screen. So you'd think these men would ask questions like: "What's your favorite thing to do on a rainy day; have you ever rode a horse; toilet paper-- over or under; your favorite-- drink, book, movie, etc.; your opinion on [fill in the blank]; what do you think about the world at large; global warming; the price of rice in China?
Nope, nothing even remotely like that. Just:
Anyway, as an old-married-lady I feel I can give bachelors (young and not so young) a fair word of worldly advice about communicating with women. One very strange phenomena that I've noticed on a world-wide global level among men is a penchant for sending one-word messages to Females Who Catch Their Eye. And that message is:
Hey
That's it, just "Hey". No "Hello, you look so lovely, I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time to discuss poetry; books; the state of modern romance and courting; favorite movies; hobbies and past times; journey's; bucket lists; animals; families; children...etc."
Nope, nothing like that. Just:
Hey
There is also no attempt to uncover any details about the Object of their message; and they apparently are not going to take the time to actually Read any of the information about this individual; but you'd think that they'd want to get to know the woman that they're contacting. You would think they'd realize this is a multi-dimensional human being with lots of layers to them, not just a still image on a computer screen. So you'd think these men would ask questions like: "What's your favorite thing to do on a rainy day; have you ever rode a horse; toilet paper-- over or under; your favorite-- drink, book, movie, etc.; your opinion on [fill in the blank]; what do you think about the world at large; global warming; the price of rice in China?
Nope, nothing even remotely like that. Just:
Hey
Guys...this ain't gonna' work, but...hey.
Edit: Okay, all you bachelors out there, get your mental muscles revved up, watch a few notoriously emotional and romantic chick-flicks (for inspiration), and go find your True Love. Another Very-Big-Piece-Of-Advice I'm going to give you is read the "about" section of your target's page! Do not waste your time and energy on women who are "married", "just here for networking" or "friends".
Remember, if you can't take 2 minutes of your time to really look at a woman's profile, she isn't going to take 2 minutes of her time to respond to your message.
Good luck!
Edit: Okay, all you bachelors out there, get your mental muscles revved up, watch a few notoriously emotional and romantic chick-flicks (for inspiration), and go find your True Love. Another Very-Big-Piece-Of-Advice I'm going to give you is read the "about" section of your target's page! Do not waste your time and energy on women who are "married", "just here for networking" or "friends".
Remember, if you can't take 2 minutes of your time to really look at a woman's profile, she isn't going to take 2 minutes of her time to respond to your message.
Good luck!
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