Compilation of Posts ~ Mothers-in-Law, What I've Learned From Mine

The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly ~ No matter how neutral, or how problematic, a relationship has been with a mother-in-law, when I sat down and thought about it, I realized that I learned invaluable lessons from each of these women.  I also got an intriguing view of women with different personalities and backgrounds suddenly dropped into situations and circumstances they perhaps hadn't anticipated.  It was fascinating to see how each woman adapted to, tackled, or manipulated the people and situations in her life to make her existence tolerable and complimentary to her personality.

Mothers-in-Law ~ What I've Learned from Mine #1 

Mothers-in-Law ~ What I've Learned from Mine #2

Mothers-in-Law ~ What I've Learned From Mine #3

Mothers-In -Law ~ What I've Learned From Mine #4

Mothers-in-Law ~ What I've Learned From Mine #5

Mothers-in-Law ~ What I've Learned From Mine #5

I only got to meet MIL#5 once, so this may be the most difficult mother-in-law to look at in retrospection.  I had heard so much about this woman, so many fond memories along with lots of negative tales.  However, since I never got a chance to have an in-depth conversation with her personally, I'm likely to let much of what I've heard go in one ear and out the other; because, as we all know, there are two sides to every story.

Our meeting was brief, a few hours of one day.  One thing immediately stood out for me, and that was that when we were introduced, without hesitation, this woman reached out and hugged me-- and it was the type of hug where you knew she meant it.  (Remember, it hadn't been that long ago that I was coming off MIL#4, you know, the one from hell.) This threw me for a surprised and delightful loop.

Brief background ~ supposedly this woman was suffering from a combination of age-related dementia as well as some brain damage that occurred years before when she lost consciousness from a severe asthma attack.  I had been told (again and again) that it would be impossible to carry on a conversation with this woman and that she was pretty much unaware of important daily details, or at least not able to keep them straight.

Quite frankly, I didn't find this to be totally true.

She seemed to know exactly where she was and what was going on.  She was also savvy enough to listen in on conversation, and I could tell that she wasn't only listening in, she was absorbing and comprehending.  This made me question who was smarter-- this woman, or her caretakers (family members).  I suspect that there's much more to this story that I will never know.

So, in one day, in just a few brief hours, what did I learn from this woman?

• Sometimes it pays not to act as smart as you really are.  Think about it.  Who is going to have the advantage here?

• When you can't do anything about the situation that you are in (quite literally), you have to find ways to be happy, things you can still do, things you can still enjoy, positive things you can still focus on.

• You can't control the actions of others, whether this is poor choices and negative behavior, or sheer lack of intelligence, or personality quirks.  Learn to ignore and otherwise overlook it, because if you dwell on it, you will just add to the negativity of it all.

• When life throws you a curve ball, shrug it off.

Actually, I learned much more from MIL#5 than I realized.

Mothers-In -Law ~ What I've Learned From Mine #4

MIL#4...the mother-in-law from hell.

This one takes my breath away.  I'm not even sure where to start.  If you want to really understand the definition of the word "mean-spirited", meeting this lady would give it to you.  I've never met anyone, before or since, who is as cold-hearted, cruel, calculating, controlling, and manipulative. 

I said once to my then husband and her son:  "I believe that, to make this woman the way she is, there may be two scenarios that played out in her life, one or the other-- either she was absolutely spoiled rotten as a child to an extreme, or she suffered something very traumatic during her childhood, something deep and mentally life changing, such as sexual abuse."

During the course of a phone conversation, one of this woman's own sons stated:  "I don't think anyone could get along with my mother."

I think the best thing to do for MIL#4 is to skip all the minute ugly details and simply start with a list of what I've learned from this woman:

• Having a child does not mean that you will control this individual's life for the rest of their life.

• Never use money as a reward/punishment tool with your children, not even (and especially) when they are adults.

• Words can be used as weapons, and once spoken, they cannot be taken back.

• Never deliberately belittle and embarrass your child in public, or ahead of their spouse or partner.

• Just because you might not understand another person's lifestyle or spiritual path, don't jump to negative conclusions, and don't pass judgment.

• Compassion, a sense of humor, and empathy are gifts that not everyone is fortunate enough to be endowed with; if you have these gifts, embrace them.

• Kindness can impact the world, and those who are touched by it, in magical empowering uplifting ways.  Never miss an opportunity to spread a little kindness.

• Love your child enough to let go.

• Love your child enough to let them make their own mistakes in order to learn and grow.

• Love your child enough to trust their choices. 

• Love your child enough to support them in their endeavors and daily lives.