Armchair Psychology ~ Today's Topic: Abandonment Issues

What is fear of abandonment?

Fear of abandonment is a type of anxiety that some people experience when faced with the idea of losing someone they care about. Everyone deals with death or the end of relationships in their lifetime. Loss is a natural part of life.

However, people with abandonment issues live in fear of these losses. They may also exhibit behaviors that push people to leave so they’re never surprised by the loss.

A fear of abandonment isn’t a recognized condition or mental health disorder, per-say. Instead, it’s considered a type of anxiety and is treated as such.

Initial behaviors of abandonment fear are often not purposeful.

Over time, however, the reaction these behaviors get — plus the attention that comes with it — can become self-reinforcing. That can cause someone to repeat the behaviors in order to get the response again.

This behavior can have unhealthy consequences. Over time, it can ruin relationships. It can also prevent the development of healthy bonds.

The key to treating abandonment issues is to find psychological treatment or therapy.

Continue reading to find out how these fears develop and how they can be stopped.

What are the symptoms?

People with abandonment fears exhibit many of the same behaviors, though some may be more prominent than others. These symptoms include:

• Cycling through relationships. Some may engage in numerous shallow relationships. They may fear intimacy and find a reason to leave a relationship before the other person can.

• Sabotaging relationships. Some may act irrationally to get out of relationships. For example, you may knowingly push away a partner so you won’t feel hurt if they leave.

• Clinging to unhealthy relationships. Some people with abandonment issues may stay in relationships despite a desire to leave. The fear of being alone is more powerful.

• Needing constant reassurance. Some may constantly seek out a friend or partner and demand emotional guarantees. They may regularly urge friends or partners to make broad statements, such as “I’ll always be here,” and then say they’re lying.

Risk factors

Some abandonment issues and fears become invasive. They can prevent someone from leading a normal, healthy life.

A history of any of the following may increase the risk of a type of abandonment fear:

• Neglect. People who have been neglected, abused, or abandoned, especially during childhood, are more likely to develop this issue. Likewise, adults who were neglected as a child are more likely to repeat the behaviors with their own children.

• Stress. High levels of stress may make naturally occurring anxiety worse. This can worsen fears and lead to new anxieties.

• Traumatic events. Those who have experienced an injury or death, emotional abuse, or been a victim of a crime may be more likely to develop these issues.

What causes abandonment issues?

Healthy human development requires knowing that physical and emotional needs are met. During childhood, this reassurance comes from parents. During adulthood, it can come from personal and romantic relationships.

Events can interrupt this assurance at any age. When this happens, abandonment fears may develop. These events may include:

• Death. Death is natural, but that doesn’t make it less traumatic. Losing a loved one unexpectedly can create an emotional void that can be filled by fear.

• Abuse. Physical and sexual abuse, along with other types of abuse, can create lingering mental health issues, including a fear of abandonment.

• Poverty. If basic needs aren’t met, this can lead to a scarcity mindset. This may lead to fears that emotional resources, such as love, attention, and friendship, are likewise limited.

• Relationship loss. Divorce, death, infidelity — they all happen. For some individuals, the end of a relationship can be too painful. It may lead to lingering fears.

How to treat abandonment issues

Treatment for abandonment issues focuses on establishing healthy emotional boundaries. You need to build an arsenal of responses to deploy when you feel old thought patterns emerging again.

Primary treatments for abandonment issues include:

• Therapy. Seek out the help of a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can help you overcome fears of being abandoned. They’ll also work with you to understand where the fear originates and what you can do when you sense the fear rising.

• Self-care. People with abandonment issues may benefit from self-care. Making sure emotional needs are met is important for friendships and relationships. This way, you’re able to better provide for your partner, friend, or child.

Helping someone with fear of abandonment

Helping a loved one living with abandonment issues can be difficult. After all, if you bring up your concerns, their instinct may be to challenge you and your loyalty to them.

While people with abandonment fears differ, these techniques may help you care for someone who has a fear of abandonment:

• Pause the conversation.  Highly emotional conversations will inevitably become unproductive. When this happens, pause the conversation. Let them know you care but step away for a few hours.

• Be supportive of both yourself and the person with abandonment fears. People with abandonment issues may struggle more with this, particularly if their conversation partner leaves without telling them where they’re going.

• Let them know:  where you’re going, how long you’ll be away, when you’ll return

• When you return, begin the conversation from a less emotional place. Support and validate their fears

Source for this blog post:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/abandonment-issues#recovery