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Friday, October 25, 2019

When You Fall In Love With the Guy Who's Still In Love With His Ex

  • When you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you probably won’t realize it at first. He’s hooking up with you.  He’s obviously not that broken up about his last relationship.

  • When you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you may begin to notice that he has good days and bad days. Sometimes it seems like he can’t keep his hands off you, and other days he’s standoffish, impatient, and sharp. Or he treats you with disinterest, or as an irritation.

  • When you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you’ll eventually pick up on the unusual tone in his voice when he speaks of her.  Maybe he brings her up too frequently in conversations and a wistful look comes over his face, or he'll become emotional talking about an incident that made her sad or unhappy.  You’ll awkwardly stand and listen.  You don’t want to rudely interrupt him, but you’d rather discuss just about anything else in the world than this.  Or maybe it’s the opposite – each time you ask a casual question about her, he wears a pained expression and changes the topic as soon as possible. It’s evident that he would rather discuss just about anything else in the world than this.

  • When you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you may spot her name pop up ever so often on his phone, or he may attempt to hide her in his contacts under another name.  You try not to dwell on it.  It’s perfectly normal, in certain situations, for exes to remain friends and nothing inconvenient comes from it.  But something doesn't feel right.  Your intuition kicks in, and you realize the amount of contact going on is not normal, and the secrecy surrounding this contact is definitely not normal.  He's treating this connection with his ex like a man who's having an affair.

This unusual contact with his ex will make you feel like a third wheel.  You won't understand what your role in his life is, and you may even feel like you're interloping on their "husband/wife" relationship.   Finally, you may muster up the courage to utter the dreaded question,  “What are we?”  Because you're honestly not sure.

It took you immense effort to conjure enough confidence to ask this question, and his long stumbling detailed response to this question prompts you to ask another... “Are you still in love with your ex?”

Your boldness takes both of you by surprise. He stares at you, mouth agape, contemplating how he’s going to answer this question, but his hesitation already answered the question for you.  Your next question, "What on earth do you two talk about?" and his long astonished embarrassed silent pause confirms your suspicions.

  • Deep down you know that if you fell for a man who wasn’t still in love with his ex, he would have immediately answered these questions with no hesitation.  Better yet, there would have been no signs that compelled you to even ask him about his relationship and feelings for his ex.  The issue would have been non-existent.  Most people, men and women alike, are eager to put their past relationships behind them.  If you suspect someone is not over their ex, you’re probably right.

  • If you fall for a guy who’s still in love with his ex, you need to accept it and move on.  It may be hard, really hard, but what’s even harder is living with the knowledge that another woman still occupies his heart. You could put all of your energy into trying to win him over, to show him how much you love him, and how devoted to him and your relationship you are... you could cook all his favorite foods; you could perpetually be ready to have sex at any moment; and you could wait on him hand and foot, being at his every beck and call. But not only will this be futile, you don’t deserve the burden of trying to make room in his heart for you, and you alone.

You deserve a man whose thoughts revolve around you, and only you, as his partner and someone who shares his life.  You deserve someone who chooses you as much as you have chosen them.  You deserve a man who is going to put 100% of himself into the success of your relationship. 

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